Who Framed Roger Rabbit Page #3

VALIANT:

Would this be the same dame who's going

to feel awfully foolish when she finds

out I've got her money.

Valiant slides the check across the bar. Dolores studies it.

She calms down a little.

DOLORES:

This is fifty bucks. I need

seventy-five before they check the

books tomorrow.

VALIANT:

You'll have it in the morning. Now be

a sport and lemme have twenty bucks to

put in my pocket.

DOLORES:

Is this paper even good?

VALIANT:

Check the scrawl.

DOLORES:

(reads)

R.K. Maroon.

Now ANGELO, a Neanderthal sitting a few stools down, is

tapping the shell of a hardboiled egg.

ANGELO:

Maroon? Valiant, don't tell me you're

workin' for a Toon? Who's your client?

Chilly Willy or Screwy Squirrel?

Angelo chuckles at his own joke and goes to eat his egg.

Suddenly Valiant darkens. He grabs Angelo by the shirt and

pulls him up to his face.

VALIANT:

Get this straight, greaseball. I'm not

workin' for a Toon! I'd never work for

a Toon! Got that?

Valiant jams the whole egg into Angelo's mouth, turns and

storms out the door. Angelo sputters and spits out the egg.

ANGELO:

What's his problem?

DOLORES:

Toon killed his brother.

EXT. INK & PAINT CLUB - NIGHT

Valiant knocks on the door of, a non-descript building in a

run-down factory area. A speakeasy style peephole slides

open REVEALING the face of a TOON GORILLA. Valiant offers

the password.

VALIANT:

Walt sent me.

The peephole slides closed and after a beat the door swings

open.

INT. CLUB

The Gorilla, dressed in a tux, gives Valiant the once over.

Valiant resents the assessment.

VALIANT:

Like your monkey suit.

GORILLA:

Wise ass...

We FOLLOW Valiant down the hall toward the main room. We can

HEAR LAUGHTER and ZANY MUSIC from within.

INT. MAIN ROOM

When Valiant steps through the doorway, we see the place is

no dive. It's a white tablecloth nightclub on a par with the

El Morroco or the Garden of Allah. Behind the bar A

CATERPILLAR BARTENDER is using his many arms to shake and

pour several drinks at once. Meanwhile a dozen PENGUIN

WAITERS are gliding back and forth along the tables serving

drinks to the well-heeled crowd.

ON STAGE:

DONALD DUCK and DAFFY DUCK are seated opposite each other at

matching grand pianos. What begins as a decorous Duck duet

on a Tchaikovsky piece (complete with knuckle-cracking,

seat-spinning preparations) quickly accelerates to a loony

game of one-upsmanship between these two irascible Ducks.

There is keyboard stomping, lid-banging, piano wire plucking

zaniness.

THE AUDIENCE:

is HOWLING. People are wiping the tears from their eyes

they're laughing so hard. All except...

VALIANT:

He lights a cigarette impassively, not humored by the Toon

hijinx. He spots an empty table off to the side and makes

his way towards it. A SILLY GEEZER in a loud suit is at the

next table. The Geezer nods to him soberly as Valiant pulls

Out the chair and sits down. A LOUD FLATULENCE SOUND erupts

from under Valiant. The Geezer slaps his thigh with the

hilarity of it all.

GEEZER:

Will you listen to that? It's a pip!

I'm thinking of callin' it a Whoopee

Cushion.

Valiant reaches under himself and comes up holding a deflated

rubber bladder. The Geezer retrieves it from him.

GEEZER:

(continuing)

No hard feelings, I hope. Put 'er

there...

The Geezer grabs Valiant's hand before he can say no. We

HEAR A BUZZ. Valiant retracts his hand as if shocked. The

Geezer howls with laughter and turns his palm to Eddie.

GEEZER:

(continuing)

Hand buzzer... real gasser.

Valiant rolls his eyes and grabs a Penguin as it glides by.

VALIANT:

Scotch.

PENGUIN:

There's a two drink minimum.

VALIANT:

Just as long as there's no maximum.

GEEZER:

Waiter, I'll sign my check now.

The Penguin puts a bill down on the Geezer's table and zips

off. The Geezer takes a fountain pen out of his jacket and

writes on the bill. But there doesn't seem to be any ink

coming out. He shakes and shakes the pen to get it flowing.

It flows all right. Ink splatters all over Valiant's shirt

and pants. Valiant looks down at the stain, doing a slow

burn. The Geezer starts laughing. Valiant jumps up and

grabs him by the lapels.

VALIANT:

That's it for you, pops!

GEEZER:

(freaked)

Calm down, son. Look, the ink is gone.

Valiant looks down at his shirt. The stain is gone.

GEEZER:

(continuing)

See? It disappears.

VALIANT:

Well, why don't you make like the ink?

Valiant drops him into his chair and returns to his seat.

The Penguin glides up with his drinks. Valiant swallows the

first one with one quick jerk of the head.

ON STAGE:

Donald and Daffy's PIANO COMPETITION has reached a CRESCENDO

of mayhem. They've got the axes out, and in time with the

MUSIC they reduce their pianos to matchsticks. At the

completion of the piece, they step to the front of the stage

and with great decorum, arms around each other, they take

their bows. The curtain comes down to GREAT APPLAUSE. We

HEAR SFX of CRASHING AND BASHING backstage. Now from behind

Valiant, we HEAR a familiar high-pitched VOICE.

CIGARETTE GIRL:

Cigars... cigarettes... Eddie?

Valiant turns to see BETTY BOOP standing with a box of

tobacco wares strapped around her neck. In contrast to all

the other Toons, Betty's in black and white.

BETTY BOOP:

(continuing)

Gee, it's swell to see you, Eddie. We

miss you in Toontown.

VALIANT:

Wish I could say the same. What're you

doin' here, Betty?

BETTY BOOP:

Work's been slow for me since the

cartoons went to color. But I still

got it, Eddie...

(sings)

'Boop boop be-doop'.

VALIANT:

Yeah, you still got it, Betty.

(indicates

Geezer)

Who's Mr. Jocularity?

BETTY BOOP:

(leans in)

That's Marvin Acme, the gag king.

VALIANT:

Shoulda guessed.

BETTY BOOP:

He comes here every night to see

Jessica Rabbit.

VALIANT:

Big on the musical comedy, huh?

BETTY BOOP:

Sounds like you ve never seen her,

Eddie.

Now the lights dim and Betty moves on.

ON STAGE:

the dour DROOPY walks out with the spotlight following him.

He's the evening's emcee.

DROOPY:

(deadpan)

Hello, everybody. I hope you're all

having as much fun as I am. I have a

small announcement to make. Jessica

Rabbit will not be able to sing

tonight.

There's a ROAR OF DISAPPROVAL from the men in the crowd.

They shower him with debris.

DROOPY:

(continuing;

deadpan)

I was merely jesting. Without further

ado... here's woman times two,

Toontown's own chanteuse par

excellance... Jessica Rabbit!

There is excited APPLAUSE as the lights dim. A TOON COMBO

made up of CROWS in shades STRIKES UP the intro to the smokey

song, "Why Don't You Do Right". A spotlight hits the

curtain. Now a curvaceous leg pokes out, teasingly. The

crowd goes wild as the rest of the body belonging to the leg

emerges. JESSICA RABBIT is a generously endowed red-headed

bombshell. She's a humanoid Toon... in her case, more

beautiful than human. Her figure is testimony to what a guy

can do with a pencil and a fertile imagination,

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