Why Him? Page #10

You could say that again.

Mm-hmm.

So you followed

the Buffett rule?

Always, dude.

70/30, stocks to bonds.

Buffet.

Nice.

Your little hacker, dingle...

Hacker?

Was worming down the wrong hole.

- Does he mean Kevin dingle?

- Probably.

No, must be another dingle.

Only dingle I know of

is the berries on the butt.

Look, how much money

do you have?

Babe, you don't

have to answer this.

Yes, he does.

Fine! Full disclosure.

It's bad.

I'm down to my last 97 million.

Laird.

197 million.

Boom.

He's just barely scraping by.

All you had to do was ask me.

Gentlemen, I need

deck the halls, allegro, now.

Ned, it's the holidays

and I think

we should start over.

So this is for you.

What is it?

It's a little stocking stuffer.

I think you'll like it.

A phone?

Press the button.

This is from my bank

in grand rapids.

Merry Christmas.

Someone fill me in here.

Well, Steph...

I bought your father's company.

Sort of.

Ned, I purchased all your debt

as a Christmas present.

What the f***?

You son of a b*tch.

What?

Dude, I'm trying to be nice,

so you can avoid bankruptcy.

Are you guys talking chapter 11?

I don't even wanna

hear that term.

Okay, gentlemen, I need

jingle bells, and step on it!

I can't believe that

you didn't tell us about this.

What? No, it's just...

The business has been running

a little rough lately.

I'm already working on

a new deal right now.

So you had no idea?

No.

How the hell

did you know about this?

It was Justine.

Oh.

Yeah, it was me.

She played me back a little bit of a

conversation you had the other day...

With a guy named Lou.

Of course, I had to help.

Ned, I'm sorry if I overstepped.

Yep.

But I was really,

really worried about you.

She was.

No clowning.

And just so you don't stress,

you're still gonna be

the big cheese, dude.

I plan on being

a very hands-off owner.

So what do you say, partner?

- Ned, what are you...

- What the f***?

Why would you do that, dad?

Dad!

F*** you, paper man!

Oh, Scheisse.

Ned, I'm sorry, bro.

Are you okay? Oh, man.

My training, it just takes over.

Everybody is feeling

a lot of tension.

Calm down.

Dad!

Or we can hit people square

in the face with an iPad.

Disengage.

Disengage and run!

Dude, that was kind of cool.

You gotta be honest.

Ned, I love you.

I was just trying to help.

Ooh!

Laird, disengage him!

Ned, let go of his balls!

Laird! Evasive parkour!

Laird, get away!

Evasive parkour!

Do the wall pop!

Wall pop!

Goose! Did you see that?

That's right! Because you

finally engaged your core!

Get down here!

You see the difference of the feeling?

How it feels differently?

I know!

Oh, my god!

Oh, my god!

Don't breathe in.

I'll save you, brother!

Scotty, no! Scotty!

No, honey!

I'm here to save you, laird!

Scotty, watch out!

Laird! You okay?

Yeah!

Fantastic!

You're okay.

You're okay.

Wait. Where's Scotty?

Scotty! Oh, my god.

Scotty!

He's under the moose!

He's under the moose!

Scotty!

Oh, sh*t.

These f***ing moose balls

are in my mouth.

Oh, sh*t,

he's teabagging you, bro!

I got you.

Come here. Come here.

Oh, my god. It's okay.

It's okay.

Honey, I'm so sorry

it turned out this way.

Me, too.

I'll call you when I get home.

Okay. Good luck with Scotty.

Thank you. I'll need it.

Yeah.

Steph, listen. I never...

I'm done listening.

Have a safe flight.

See you, sis.

Bye, Scotty.

Can't believe I have to

go back to toilet paper.

Hey, Don Millis.

Merry Christmas, sir.

You too, Ned. Look, I hate

to call on Christmas.

Oh, don't worry about that.

It was great

catching up yesterday

and I wanted to ring you

as soon as we made a decision.

Okay.

I talked with the group here

about your proposal

and we just can't go for it.

I'm sorry, pal.

We really appreciate you offering

us such a sweetheart deal.

But fact is we're just not doing a

whole lot of printing these days.

You know how it is.

Yes.

It's a whole new world, right?

Yes.

Sure is.

I sure wish we could've

done business, cheese.

All right, listen, um,

if you're sure I can't

change your mind there, don.

Yeah, unfortunately not.

Okay. All right.

You have a happy holidays.

You, too, Ned!

Best to Barb and the kids.

Excuse me, Ned?

I'm sorry to bother you, but

your flight leaves in an hour.

I'll miss you.

Welcome home, Flemings!

Lou, what...

You guys must be freezing.

Come on, get in here. Let me get that.

Come on, cheese.

Lou, what's going on?

Barbara, hey.

Hi.

- Barb, you look great.

- There they are!

Merry Christmas!

Wow!

Um, Lou, I texted you that

I needed to talk to you.

I mean, what's...

Come on, you hear this guy?

Hank rouse from first national

shot me a congratulatory

voicemail this morning

about the Mayhew deal.

You did it, big cheese!

You pulled off

the Christmas miracle.

Cheese, cheese, cheese!

Cheese, cheese, cheese!

Barb!

Scotty.

Ned, as a little token

of our appreciation,

we all chipped in

and bought you something

that we're pretty sure

you don't own.

You shouldn't have.

Open it. Yeah.

Yeah, right there.

It's an iPad.

Hit the home button right there.

Yeah.

We had a little fun

with that down in graphics.

I got the images off

Scotty's Facebook page.

He looks like a stand-up guy.

Like a younger version

of you, Ned.

Make a speech!

Speech!

Oh, yes, speech!

Speech, speech, speech.

The heck is that?

Laird, a jet and

a helicopter? Where are we?

Hang on, babe. Almost there.

One second.

Mayhew!

Guys, stay here for a minute.

Honey, go inside

and get a jacket.

That's Mayhew.

Is that the guy?

Laird!

Where are we?

That looks weird.

It's kind of fifty

shades of grey -ish.

Cold?

Yeah.

And here we go.

Surprise!

Hi, honey.

Ta-da.

You brought me home?

Yeah.

Without telling me?

I realize I violated the

sanctity of mystery date

but I just thought the family

should all be together today.

Okay, that wasn't your

place to do that, hon.

Steph, I know,

but it is Christmas.

And we're glad to see you.

This isn't what she wanted.

No, it's not.

What I wanted was

for us to spend

Christmas in California together

like I planned, before

everything went to sh*t

because you made it

all about yourself.

Mm-hmm.

You both did.

I did?

Yes!

You idiots think you can

pass me back and forth

like I'm your property

or something?

I'm done.

This is the worst

Christmas ever.

Steph.

Steph. Honey.

I think she's pissed.

Yeah, she's pissed.

Sh*t!

I just thought that you guys

should be together today.

All right. Well, I'll

leave you to it.

Happy holidays, Ned.

You too, laird.

Uh, laird.

You're doing a "I'm

gonna walk away slowly

"'cause I really don't

wanna leave" walk.

Maybe.

Come here.

Come here.

So what happened?

You didn't propose?

How could I?

I never got your permission

and we pinky-swore

I wouldn't ask without it.

You are remarkable.

You don't have a gear

to be dishonest, do you?

Guess not, dude.

Laird, you never needed

my permission

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