Why Him? Page #6

No, you got it.

So how goes it in Cali?

It feels like we've landed

in the twilight zone.

Did you find the card?

Yeah. I got it right here.

Just hang on.

I have nothing

to write with here.

This whole house is paperless.

Paperless?

Well, how do you wipe your ass?

You don't.

They have these Japanese

toilets that...

It's one of those little

squat jobs, little squatter.

No. Just... never mind.

Just give me the number.

Hey, Ned, I'm here.

I can take it down for you.

Justine, please just...

I'm fine.

Just go away.

All right,

I'm just trying to help.

You don't have to be

such a dick.

Whoa, whoa.

Cheese, who is that?

She's got a foul little mouth.

Is that the kid's secretary

you fighting with?

No, no, no. That's the woman

who lives in the ceiling.

Cheese, what she look like?

The woman who lives...

You say she lives

in the ceiling?

She's a disembodied

voice that...

Never mind.

I'll explain later.

The voice sounds sexy.

Are they using somebody famous?

I wouldn't say too famous.

You know,

million dollars a week,

biggest show in the world,

no big deal.

Lou.

She can hear me?

Of course I can hear you.

How you doin', baby?

Better now

that I'm talking with you.

Just give me the number.

I'm calling him now.

Let's catch some waves.

- Tsunami.

- That guy's cool.

Yeah, goose is the best.

Oh...

Laird, I'm gonna be

honest with you, buddy.

Okay.

Gorillas in board shorts

is a fun touch.

Yeah.

I'll give you that.

But when the only mission

is to get to shore,

I'm not feeling

enough drama there.

You know?

You know what?

You're so f***ing right.

F***!

We've been developing this

limp dick for months.

You come and

you play it for five minutes,

you know exactly

what's wrong with it.

You're a sharp little f***er.

You know that?

Thank you.

I mean, for real, man.

I appreciate it.

It's just nice

to be listened to.

What do you mean?

I'm gonna be running

my dad's business one day.

Uh-huh.

But he won't even listen to any

of my ideas about innovation.

What?

Right?

You're next gen, dude.

It's where all the new seeds come from.

Everyone knows that.

And I told him that.

I was like...

"Dad, if you're gonna unleash

me to my full potentsh...

"I need a seat

at the table."

He just won't listen to me.

Um... get that seat!

I will get that seat.

Gotta get that seat, Scotty.

That's my seat.

Nobody else touch it.

No.

Where is that seat?

It's at the f***ing table.

And I'm gonna

get that seat at that table.

You deserve

a f***ing throne, dawg.

Yeah, the iron throne.

Iron throne.

Iron throne.

Game of thrones over here!

I'm breathing fire and grabbing

titties left and right.

F***ing king Joffrey up in this.

Those are my titties!

You're the next in line.

That's me.

My man.

Oh, god.

They're paying

your student loans.

They're paying

your student loans.

Oh.

Stamp free invites.

Oh, man.

Ho, ho, ho!

Wow.

Is that a horse?

That is a llama.

Oh, a llama.

Hi.

Hello.

Oh, my goodness.

Hey, girl.

We don't have those in...

Dad!

There you are.

This is insane!

Oh, you working on the books?

Uh, yeah, you know.

Just the little stuff.

I was thinking about

laird's Christmas party.

Gustav gave me a preview

of the guest list.

And, dad, it is a veritable

"who's who"

of silicon valley power players.

Tyson Modell is coming!

Wait, who is he?

What?

He's the kid

who founded ghostchat.

Oh, right.

He turned down three billion

dollars from Facebook,

and he's only 24 years old.

I'm gonna broker a sit-down

between you two.

Dad, thank you for telling me

to pack a blazer.

Now, should I throw on a tie or

should I keep it business casual?

Scotty, just listen to me,

all right?

Most of these Internet companies

are built on smoke and mirrors.

What?

Don't get sucked in.

That whole industry

is based on hooey.

I'm gonna drop

some knowledge on you.

Times are changing, pops.

And not everything you think

is hooey is hooey.

Wow. That's profound.

Profound.

And you...

Hooey-Meister himself.

You're nothing but an octopus.

An octopus.

Merry f***in' Christmas

what are you pouring?

We are doing a deconstructed

eggnog tonight.

Eggnog. Yes. Thank you.

Where you from, boss?

Michigan.

Oh, Michigan.

You in the car business?

Uh, no. Printing.

Ned Fleming.

Elon musk.

Elon musk?

Yeah.

Tesla, Elon musk?

Yeah.

Wow.

How do you know laird?

Uh...

He's dating my daughter.

Uh-oh.

Nice talking to you.

Yeah.

What?

Oh, hey! Hi, honey!

Could I get a glass

of white wine, please?

Ooh, hiya, handsome.

Hi!

You look great.

Oh, come on.

No, you do.

Thank you.

I'm just getting in

the holiday spirit.

So what were you talking to

laird about for so long?

I got the entire

Mayhew family saga.

Oh, god. I'm sorry.

No, no, turns out it was

pretty interesting actually.

His mother was a secretary at

one of these tech companies.

Can I interest you

in a Kobe beef slider?

Ooh, yum.

Real food?

Yes, I'm starving.

Wait, what?

Oh, god.

Ma'am? Kobe squirt?

No, thanks.

Thank you.

It's actually pretty tasty.

Anyway, she saw all these young

programmers getting rich.

So she basically forced laird

to spend his entire childhood

inside, learning computers.

I think that's

kind of sad, right?

He ate it.

Hmm.

He's an octopus.

That kid is

wrapping his tentacles

around every member

of this family.

He's manipulating you.

Darling, we need to bring this

down a notch.

Okay? You think you're

at war with laird.

But he's not fighting.

It's just you.

Come on,

let's go meet his friends.

They look darling.

Oh, god.

Totally tanked porting the

thin-client apps for the JDK build.

The f***? So you had to

rewrite all the code?

Mm-hmm. By myself.

But did you do it?

Oh, you know I did!

Hey, there they are!

Hi.

Looking like a babe.

Look who's looking sharp.

Okay!

Hello!

Tyson, these are Stephanie's parents, Mr.

And Mrs. Fleming.

Oh, no. Barb and Ned, please.

So it was f***ed up, man.

It took me two weeks

on the j2ee database...

Trying to get the interface

to react with the server...

So I can get the containers

up and running again.

I'm sorry.

Tyson, what's a j2ee?

Java 2 platform

enterprise edition.

Do you not write code?

Sorry.

This guy's the worst.

Yeah.

I'm actually more of a personal

relations kind of guy.

Like account management, client services.

That kind of stuff.

Dude, this kid is

f***ing awesome.

Yes, Ned is grooming Scotty to

take over our family business.

That's right.

We own a printing business

in Michigan.

Really?

I'm sure you're familiar

with those two siblings

over there

since you're

in the printing business.

Yo, brother-sister act!

You gotta meet this guy.

Hello!

Hey! Blaine

and Missy Pederman.

Hi, I'm Barb Fleming.

This is my husband.

Ned.

I'm Scott Fleming.

Nice to meet you.

I'm sorry, we were told

we might know you,

but I'm afraid we don't.

Blaine and Missy started

stamp free invites.

Oh, okay.

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