Wild Hogs Page #15

(TO WOODY)

Woody, you can call Claudia when I'm

done, if you want. You can use my cell.

WOODY:

No, I'm not calling Claudia. I mean, yes

I want to, but I won't. Because I'm on a

road trip with my pals. And cell phones

aren't even allowed!

Woody storms out. Doug hears something on the phone, and

lights up.

DOUG:

(INTO PHONE)

Hey, Billy! How's it--

(then, into phone)

Where'd he go?... Oh. He thought you

were ordering pizza. Uh huh. Well, tell

him I said hi.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. HIGHWAY U.S. 50 - THE NEXT MORNING

DOUG, BOB, WOODY and DUDLEY ride along the highway, as

the sun burns the morning fog off of the wheat fields.

Doug looks over to Woody and yells above the motorcycle

engines.

"Wild Hogs" writers first draft 7/06/05 55.

DOUG:

I can't believe you made us leave so

early. You really wanted to see the sun

rise?

WOODY:

Yeah, man. It warms my heart, with

it's...

(THINKS)

Gentle... rays.

Doug gives him a curious look, as they pass a sign that

says "Lucas, Kansas. Population: 436"

BOB:

(yelling over engines)

Hey! Let's stop for breakfast, I'm

starving.

WOODY:

What!? No! We're not hungry yet.

BOB:

I just said I was--

WOODY:

You're not! Fatty!

Bob looks hurt. Doug gives Woody a stern look.

DOUG:

Come on, Woody. It looks like a neat

town. And Dudley's got another bag of

poop to throw away.

Dudley nods. Woody grits his teeth as they enter the

town. It's a quiet, one stop-light town - with an old

fashioned main street and town square. We see a banner

over the street advertising a block party that night.

It's a postcard version of small town America.

INT. MAIN STREET DINER - SAME TIME

The owner, BUD, is pressed up against the glass -

watching the motorcycles come down Main street. He

shakes his head.

BUD:

Oh, don't tell me they're here again

already. I just got the window replaced.

"Wild Hogs" writers first draft 7/06/05 56.

Bud walks back to the bar, past his daughter (and diner

waitress) MAGGIE, 28, pretty in that cute, small town

way.

MAGGIE:

Just stay calm, Dad. At least it's not

all of them, this time.

EXT. MAIN STREET DINER - SAME TIME

The guys pull up to the diner and we see the local

pedestrians hustle away. The street is soon deserted,

but the guys don't notice.

They go to park their bikes, but there's not enough

space. There's a police car in the parking spot next to

them, and the town sheriff, CHARLEY, comes running

towards it from across the street.

CHARLEY:

I'll move it! Hold on, I'll move it!

Charley jumps into the car and backs it out of its spot.

The guys look at each other, surprised.

DOUG:

Wow. Lucas is a polite town.

BOB:

That's how these little towns are. It's

unspoiled America.

WOODY:

It's a shithole. Let's keep moving.

The guys ignore Woody and enter the diner.

WOODY (CONT'D)

Okay, we'll get it to go, then. We can

ride and eat if it's wrapped in a

tortilla.

Woody gets no response. He looks back down the road,

uneasily, then follows the guys in.

INT. MAIN STREET DINER - SAME TIME

BOB, DOUG, WOODY and DUDLEY enter, with their motorcycle

boots thunking on the wood floor, announcing to the

entire diner that there are bikers there.

"Wild Hogs" writers first draft 7/06/05 57

Everyone freezes and the place goes silent. The only

sound is a single fork dropping onto a plate.

BUD is pulsing with anger, but he swallows it down.

BUD:

Good morning, gentleman. How nice of you

to join us this afternoon.

DOUG:

well, how could we pass through this town

without stopping? Everything looks so

perfect.

BUD:

(SEETHING)

But you'll change that, huh?

DOUG:

Excuse me?

MAGGIE runs up and guides her Dad away from the guys.

MAGGIE:

I'll take care of them, Daddy.

(to guys, extra polite)

Good morning.

Maggie smiles. She has a radiant sweetness, even though

she's scared to death.

DUDLEY stares at her, captivated. He's in love.

MAGGIE (CONT'D)

where would you gentleman like to sit?

DOUG:

Are there any booths open?

All the people quickly jump out of their booths.

BOB:

Wow. Everyone is so nice, here.

The guys sit in one of the booths. Dudley hangs back,

and struggles to talk to Maggie.

DUDLEY:

(TO MAGGIE)

Um... So?

Dudley tries to think of something else to say, but

can't. He nods awkwardly, then heads over to the booth.

He sits down with the guys.

"Wild Hogs" writers first draft 7/06/05 58.

DUDLEY (CONT'D)

(TO GUYS)

She's perfect.

DOUG:

You like the waitress, huh?

DUDLEY:

I wanted to say something funny to her,

but I could only think of black jokes.

Maggie, still very skittish, approaches the table.

MAGGIE:

And what would you gentleman like today?

Doug looks to the next table, where a man is enjoying

french toast.

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