Wild Hogs Page #16

DOUG:

Mmmm. I'll have what he's having.

Maggie nods obediently and takes the man's plate. She

slides it in front of Doug.

DOUG (CONT'D)

No, uh... I'll take a new one. He can

keep his.

MAGGIE:

Of course. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

Maggie quickly puts it back on the man's table.

DOUG:

Hey, it's okay. Really.

WOODY:

Not a big deal.

BOB:

(FAKING ANGRY)

Yeah, just don't let it happen again!

Bob hammers his fist on the table and laughs at his joke,

but Maggie starts to cry. The guys suddenly look

confused as she runs to the kitchen in tears. Bob looks

back to the guys.

BOB (CONT'D)

Wow. That wasn't funny.

"Wild Hogs" writers first draft 7/06/05 59.

DUDLEY:

It's hard to be funny without being

racist.

Doug is looking at the town's local paper, and smiles.

DOUG:

Hey, guys. This block party tonight

looks cool. Music, grilled corn, dollar

beers, funnel cakes.

DUDLEY:

Funnel cakes!? Let's stay here tonight!

WOODY:

No, no, no, no. We have a schedule. San

Francisco is waiting.

BOB:

What schedule? You said we're taking

this trip to live. Let's stick around

and live a little. Have some small town

fun!

Woody goes to protest again, but Dudley stands up.

DUDLEY:

(LOUDLY)

Let's party all night in Lucas!

BUD:

(O.C. From kitchen area)

God Dammit! What'd we do to deserve

this!?

We ANGLE TO SEE:
MAGGIE rush over to calm BUD down. Bud

calms down, then hears another motorcycle engine roaring

down the street. He looks out the window and shakes his

head.

BUD (CONT'D)

Not another one of these a**holes.

A moment later, MURDOCK, a fat, grungy Hells Angel,

enters the diner with a cocky swagger and has a seat at

the bar.

MURDOCK:

(TO BUD)

Get me a beer, old man. And if it's not

good, I'm going to smash it across your

face.

"Wild Hogs" writers first draft 7/06/05 60.

ANGLE ON:
The WILD HOGS, watching from the table behind

Murdock.

DOUG:

(sotto, to the guys)

Not another one of these a**holes.

Murdock hears this and whips around to see the Wild Hogs.

MURDOCK:

What'd you say?

DOUG:

Oh, I was actually referring to some guys

we met at a bar about two hundred miles

east of here. You're probably not

AFFILIATED--

MURDOCK:

That's my gang. I'm on my way there now.

DUDLEY:

(loudly, to Doug)

so he is one of those a**holes, Doug.

MURDOCK:

Excuse me?

Murdock puts his beer down, and stares angrily at Doug.

MURDOCK (CONT'D)

And who the hell are you freaks?

Doug starts to answer, but Woody, looking nervous, cuts

him off.

WOODY:

--Oh, we're just a group of friends. No

big deal. Your guys gave us permission

to pass by, so it's all good.

MURDOCK:

Hells Angel's don't give permission.

Especially to a bunch of ball-less wimps

like you.

Bob hammers the table and stands up - his face red with

long-suppressed rage.

BOB:

I'm not a wimp, pal'. I'm a man! You got

that? Huh? You got that!!

"Wild Hogs" writers first draft 7/06/05 61.

The guys look at Bob, wide-eyed. woody looks worried.

WOODY:

Bob, let's not get carried away--

BOB:

No, you know what? This guy needs a

talking to just like his friends did,

Woody.

WOODY:

But, Bob. I don't think--

BOB:

Let me do this, Woody! You stood up to

them last time, and I just sat there like

I always do... Well, not this time!

(turns to Murdock)

Listen, you piece of sh*t. You think you

can just walk around and bully perfectly

nice people? You think that's how it

works? Well, guess what? This is the

real world. With real laws and real

consequences. You hear me!?

Bob swats Murdock's beer out of his hand. It spills all

over him. Murdock is too filled with rage to speak.

BOB (CONT'D)

Now get out of here! And if that gang of

inbred a**holes needs things explained to

them again, tell 'em the Wild Hogs will

be right here in Lucas tonight.

Woody puts his face into his hands.

BOB (CONT'D)

Now get.

Murdock just stares daggers at him.

BOB (CONT'D)

Get!

Bob kicks the stool out from under Murdock. He almost

falls, but catches himself on a stool. He glares at the

guys, but he's outnumbered. He grits his teeth and

storms out the door. Woody winces to himself as he

watches Murdock go. This isn't good.

After a moment, BUD comes running out from behind the

bar.

"Wild Hogs" writers first draft 7/06/05 62.

BUD:

Wait... You guys aren't Hells Angels?

DOUG:

Us? Oh, no. We're from Cincinnati.

Bud calls out to the kitchen.

BUD:

Charley!? They ain't the bad ones!

CHARLEY, the sheriff from before, stands up from behind a

countertop in the kitchen.

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