Wild Hogs Page #17

CHARLEY:

You guys aren't Hells Angels?

DOUG:

No. We're Wild Hogs. That's our gang.

(THEN)

And our rotary club softball team... My

wife had extra patches.

CHARLEY:

Well, sweet Mary Joseph... Welcome to

Lucas! I'm the sheriff, Charley Baskins.

I keep the peace here.

DOUG:

Weren't you just hiding in the kitchen?

CHARLEY:

Well... A non-confrontation approach

sometimes is the best method to keep

aggression...

(GIVES UP)

Yeah, I was hiding in the kitchen.

Charley looks at them for a moment, then starts to tear

up.

CHARLEY (CONT'D)

I'm an embarrassment.

Charley hurries off to the bathroom. The guys look at

each other.

DOUG:

Well, now he is.

"Wild Hogs" writers first draft 7/06/05 63.

EXT. MAIN STREET - A FEW MINUTES LATER

CHARLEY walks through the town square with DOUG, BOB,

WOODY and DUDLEY. There's a stage and booths set up

around the park in the center - ready for the block

party. As the news spreads that the Wild Hogs are

friendly, the townspeople start to take to the streets

again.

CHARLEY:

Sorry about all the confusion when you

arrived. Those guys are pretty rough.

You're the first people to ever stand up

to them.

DOUG:

Well, Woody is the one who really--

BOB:

Hey-- we should probably share the

credit. I mean, I just basically kicked

that guy's ass. Man! You know how good

that felt!? Yeah!

Bob punches a handicapped parking sign, which rattles

against its post, then falls to the ground. Bob

immediately looks regretful.

DOUG:

Nice. Now the paraplegics can park down

the block and get more exercise.

BOB:

(suddenly meek again)

Should I fix it? Oh, man. I should.

(TO CHARLEY)

I'm sorry... I didn't mean to--

CHARLEY:

Forget about it. We only have one

cripple and he gets pulled around in a

wagon. Come on, I want to show you guys

something.

Charley leads the guys off.

INT. POLICE GARAGE - A FEW MINUTES LATER

Charley flips on the light in a neatly organized police

garage. In the middle sits a sparkling, unridden Harley

Davidson police bike.

"Wild Hogs" writers first draft 7/06/05 64.

DOUG:

Wow. That's fantastic.

BOB:

You ride this?

CHARLEY:

Oh, no. The Hells Angels would take it

to pieces if they ever saw me on it. I

just keep it in here. Polish it and so

forth. But I'd never let them see it.

DOUG:

Those guys are that big of a problem,

huh?

CHARLEY:

Yeah. They ride into town a few times a

month and get drunk, damage property...

Basically turn the place upside down.

DOUG:

And the police don't do anything?

CHARLEY:

Well, It's a small town - and me and the

Dooble brothers are the only law. And

they're still pretty green.

WOODY:

Can't you call a bigger town or something

for backup?

CHARLEY:

Yeah, I've done that a few times. But

the gang is always gone by the time they

get here. We've also tried wearing riot

gear, which does protect you from being

hit, but not from being dragged. Also,

one of the Dooble brothers tried to throw

tear gas, but the bottle exploded and

blew off his ear.

DUDLEY:

Ech.

CHARLEY:

Yeah, he's hard to look at.

(THEN)

Anyway, we want you guys to stay at our

hotel tonight on us... Seeing as you're

the new town heroes and all.

"wild Hogs" writers first draft 7/06/05 65.

The guys look flattered. Except Woody.

WOODY:

Oh, thanks, but we're actually moving on--

DOUG:

(TO DUDLEY)

We'd be honored to stay. Thank you.

Woody's looks at Doug in protest. Doug gives him a stern

glare.

CHARLEY:

And if you're not in a rush to leave in

the morning-- We've got a great trout

stream you might want to check out.

DUDLEY:

Cool! Let's fish!

Doug shrugs.

DOUG:

Sure. Let's do it.

WOODY:

Uh uh. No, I'm putting my foot down,

here. I still get a vote on what we do,

you know? And I want my vote.

DOUG:

Okay. Of course you get a vote.

Woody nods and looks at Bob and Dudley. They clearly

intend to stay.

WOODY:

I actually get three votes. Because I

planned the trip.

DOUG:

But you didn't plan the voting system. I

did. So you only get one. Sorry.

Doug, Bob and Dudley walk off. Woody fumes.

WOODY:

You know what? Old Doug wasn't such a

douchebag!

"Wild Hogs" writers first draft 7/06/05 66.

EXT. BIKER BAR - SAME TIME

MURDOCK has arrived at the bar, which is just a burned

shack at this point. The Hell's Angels are gathered

around, watching JACK beat the crap out of a remaining

wall with a pipe. He finally stops when the wall has

crumbled.

Rate this script:3.0 / 1 vote