Wild Hogs Page #20

"Wild Hogs" writers first draft 7/06/05 74.

WOODY:

We are slapping the bull.

Doug knows it's no use. He nods, defeated.

CUT TO:

EXT. COW PASTURE - THAT EVENING

DOUG, BOB, WOODY, CHARLEY, BUCK and EARL approach a fence

surrounding a pasture. Charley smiles.

CHARLEY:

Here we are. The Lucas test of manhood.

Slap the bull.

Charley gestures to a lone bull grazing in the pasture.

He's a frighteningly large bull with enormous horns.

WOODY:

Wow. So it's literally slapping a bull?

EARL:

Yup. Right on the ass. Then high-tail

it out of there, because he can kill ya.

DOUG:

Wow. Um... Woody? This was your idea,

so... go ahead.

Woody nods.

WOODY:

All right. I'm going in.

DOUG / BOB

You are?

WOODY:

Hell yeah. I'm gonna slap the sh*t out

of that bull. Like, pimp-style.

The guys look at him, surprised and somewhat impressed.

Woody takes a breath and climbs over the fence. He

approaches the Bull very quietly and cautiously. He gets

within three feet of it, leans in and slaps the Bull hard

on the ass.

The bull makes an annoyed sound and turns around, but

Woody is already hightailing it back to the fence, with

an exhilarated look on his face.

"Wild Hogs" writers first draft 7/06/05 75.

WOODY (CONT'D)

Whhhheeeeeeew!

Woody gets to the fence and hurls himself over. The guys

all applaud.

WOODY (CONT'D)

Yes! Wow! That felt so good. I just

slapped a big fat bull right on his ass!

Did you hear how pissed he was!? I just

pissed of a bull!

(back to Bull)

B*tch!

Woody high fives all the guys.

DOUG:

All right. I'm in. I'm slapping that

bull.

The guys cheer as Doug climbs over the fence and starts

heading towards the Bull. The group all leans on the

fence, watching.

WOODY:

(TO CHARLEY)

Thanks for bringing us out here. Doug

really needs this.

BOB:

Yeah. This is good for him.

CHARLEY:

Sure. Glad we could help.

BUCK:

Yeah, and we've never seen it done twice

in a row. It'll be interesting to see

how the bull takes being slapped now that

he's alert.

WOODY / BOB

Alert?

Woody and Bob look at each other, then to the Bull -

which Doug is about to slap.

WOODY:

Doug, wait!

It's too late. Doug slaps the bull hard, and turns to

run.

"Wild Hogs" writers first draft 7/06/05 76.

DOUG:

Wheeeeew!! Yeah!

Doug runs across the field, but the Bull - now fully

alert - swivels with magnificent agility and breaks into

an angry charge towards Doug.

The guys all watch in horror as the Bull quickly gains on

Doug. Doug sees the fear on the guys faces and looks

back over his shoulder. His smile quickly turns to

terror.

DOUG (CONT'D)

Ahhhhhhhh!

It's too late. The Bull catches Doug and bucks him into

the air. Doug flies ten feet and comes crashing down on

the muddy grass. The Bull takes a few steps back and

starts lining up another charge at him.

WOODY:

Oh, no you don't!

Woody jumps over the fence and runs into the field.

WOODY (CONT'D)

Heeeeey! Hey you! Come get me, Bull!

The Bull notices Woody and starts to Charge him.

WOODY (CONT'D)

Run, Doug! Go!

Doug climbs to his feet and sees the bull charging Woody.

Woody realizes he's in trouble and starts to run again.

The bull quickly catches him and rams him into the air.

Woody lands hard, with a grunt.

The bull turns back to charge at Woody again, and Bob

jumps over the fence.

BOB:

Hey! Leave him alone! You want some of

this!? Come get this!

Bob sprints out into the field. The bull snorts and

starts towards him. The Bull closes on Bob quick, but at

the last moment Bob dives of the way. The bull goes

flying past him.

BOB (CONT'D)

Hah! Missed me, you fat bastard!

"Wild Hogs" writers first draft 7/06/05 77.

Doug and Woody look impressed as Bob helps them hurry

towards the fence. Charley and Buck hold a gate open for

them as the Bull makes a turn and lines the group up, but

they've already made it to the gate. They go through and

Charley shuts it behind them. They lean back on the

fence, trying to gather their bearings, except Bob - who

is thrilled.

BOB (CONT'D)

Did you see me? I dodged him! I dodged

that stupid cow! How cool am--

Suddenly, the Bull charges into the fence, which Bob's

butt is sticking through. Bob goes flying and lands face

down in the dirt. He scrambles back up, furious.

BOB (CONT'D)

You son of a b*tch! You want to keep it

going!? You want to take cheap shots!?

Come on!

Bob tries to climb back into the pasture, but the guys

restrain him.

BOB (CONT'D)

(TO CHARLEY)

Give me your gun! Give me the gun! He

deserves it!

(TO BULL)

I'll kill you!

Doug and Woody hold on to Bob until he calms down. Doug

and Woody start to laugh. Bob cools off for another

moment, then starts laughing as well.

Rate this script:3.0 / 1 vote