Wild Hogs Page #21

WOODY:

No this is living!

DOUG:

We just slapped the bull!

The group high fives each other in congratulations, and

starts away:
Bruised, muddy and laughing.

ANGLE ON:
THE BULL. He pushes on the gate that Charley

was holding open. The gate swings open.

ANGLE ON:
WOODY, BOB and DOUG. They walk with Charley

and the Dooble brothers, laughing and carrying on.

"Wild Hogs" writers first draft 7/06/05 78.

Bob does an impression of how he dodged it and goes for

some more high fives - but suddenly, the bull charges

into frame and nails him. As Bob goes flying; we:

CUT TO:

EXT. TOWN SQUARE / BLOCK PARTY - LATER THAT NIGHT

The block party is winding down. Dudley is sitting by

himself at a picnic table, in post-Maggie bliss.

DOUG, WOODY and BOB approach, dirty and beaten from the

bull - but, carrying on happily.

WOODY:

Man, did you see the look on Bob's face

when he got up? Didn't dodge him that

time!

Woody and Doug laugh. Bob looks pissed.

BOB:

I'm going to go back there with a rifle

tomorrow and shoot one of his legs off.

Then we'll see who's tough.

DOUG:

(LAUGHING)

Why just one leg?

BOB:

Because I want to kick him in the face.

Doug and Woody laugh again. Bob just steams. They spot

DUDLEY, and head over to him.

DOUG:

Hey, Dud. You look happy.

DUDLEY:

I danced with her. And she likes macs.

You know what that means?

DOUG:

You have a sister?

DUDLEY:

I have a soulmate.

DOUG:

I thought you said the color ipod was

your soulmate.

"Wild Hogs" writers first draft 7/06/05 79.

DUDLEY:

I thought it was. But now, I realize

that ipod was just a well-designed whore.

The guys smile. It's been a good night for all of them.

DOUG:

Come on. Let's go back to the hotel.

We've got to get up early to do some

fishing.

The guys start walking towards the Main Street hotel.

WOODY:

Okay, fine. But after fishing - we hit

the open road and keep moving, okay?

DOUG:

Open road, baby!

BOB:

Wild Hogs ride!

The guys continue with enthusiastic cheers as we hear the

off-screen rumble of engines. Doug looks down the street

and sees:
THE HELLS ANGELS. All forty of them are

riding into town - and the guys will be in their view any

second. Woody is frozen with fear.

DOUG:

Are you kidding me? Woody, you're going

to have to talk to these guys again. Get

them to leave this town alone--

WOODY:

Hiiiiiiiidee!

DOUG, BOB and DUDLEY look confused. Woody looks around

desperately for somewhere to hide - but the Hells Angels

are too close. There's no time. Woody spots a port-o-

potty from the block party and starts corralling Doug,

Bob and Dudley into it.

WOODY (CONT'D)

Go! Go! Go!

Woody pushes his puzzled friends into the port-o-potty,

then gets in with them and shuts the door, just as the

Hells Angels cruise by them.

"Wild Hogs" writers first draft 7/06/05 80.

INT. PORT-O-POTTY - CONTINUOUS

All four guys are squished inside the port-o-potty like

sardines.

DOUG:

Woody!? What the hell is wrong with--

WOODY:

Shhhh! They'll hear you! Don't make a

sound!

EXT. TOWN SQUARE - CONTINUOUS

The Hells Angels park their bikes. We see all the

townspeople have stopped enjoying themselves, and just

stand there, scared. Jack gets off his bike and looks

around.

JACK:

(YELLS OUT)

Good evening, Lucas. Now, as hurt as I

am that you're having a party and didn't

invite us... We're only here for one

reason. The "Wild Hogs." Where the hell

are they!?

INT. PORT-O-POTTY - CONTINUOUS

Doug looks at Woody. He's starting to figure it out.

Woody guiltily avoids Doug's glare and watches the Hells

Angels through a vent in the port-o-potty.

EXT. TOWN SQUARE - CONTINUOUS

The townspeople aren't saying a word. Jack continues to

pace in front of the diner.

JACK:

Come on, now. You shouldn't be

protecting them. These "Wild Hogs," not

only passed us when we specifically told

them not to, they drained out all our gas

and burned down our bar. Like the little

cowards they are. Now where are they!!?

"Wild Hogs" writers first draft 7/06/05 81.

INT. PORT-O-POTTY - CONTINUOUS

Upon hearing this, BOB, DUDLEY and DOUG all look at

WOODY, who shrugs sheepishly. Bob is enraged.

BOB:

You son of a b*tch!

Bob lunges at Woody, but the sudden shifting of weight is

too much for the port-o-potty...

EXT. TOWN SQUARE - CONTINUOUS

The port-o-potty tips over. All the Hells Angels turn

and look as it crashes over on it's side. They continue

to stare at it curiously.

INT. PORT-O-POTTY - CONTINUOUS

The guys, now on their side, freeze as they see through

the vent that the Hells Angels are staring at them. It's

a very tense moment as they wait to see if they've been

discovered. After a moment, we hear a "glup, glup,

glup," And the guys smell something curious.

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