Wild Hogs Page #9

DOUG:

(QUICKLY)

Okay, let's ride!

The guys all hastily start their bikes and take off up

the freeway ramp. We hear the truck driver screaming

profanities as they guiltily ride away.

CUT TO:

EXT. HIGHWAY U.S. 50 - LATER THAT DAY

MUSIC CUE:
BLUE OYSTER CULT's "(DON'T FEAR) THE REAPER."

The four guys ride along the highway, through the hills

of Indiana, smiling and nodding to each other. It's the

Easy Rider moment. The camera ROTATES AROUND and PULLS

OVERHEAD. It's beautiful country and the guys are in

heaven. Dudley wears a clunky helmet from the eighties,

as well as World War II motorcycle goggles.

"Wild Hogs" writers first draft 7/06/05 32.

A family in a station wagon pulls up to next to them.

Two kids press their faces against the windows, looking

at the bikers in awe. Bob looks over at the kids in his

mirrored sunglasses and gives them a badass nod. The

kids are amazed. Bob looks to Doug. Doug grins. They

love this. Bob gives a signal to the other guys and guns

his engine. The others nod, gun their engines and speed

away from the station wagon. The kids watch with their

mouths open.

EXT. HIGHWAY U.S. 50 - LATER THAT AFTERNOON

The guys are cruising along as before, but now we see the

sky has gotten very cloudy and overcast.

SFX:
THUNDER CRACK

The guys look up at the sky apprehensively.

EXT. HIGHWAY U.S. 50 - A FEW MINUTES LATER

It's now pouring rain. The guys ride along in misery,

getting soaked. After a moment, the station wagon from

before pulls back up to them. The kids are still pressed

against the window, staring at the drenched bikers. Bob

looks over and tries to give them another cocky nod - but

now it's just embarrassing.

END MUSIC CUE:

EXT. ROADSIDE US-50 - THAT EVENING

The sun has gone down, and the guys have found a deserted

area off the highway to set up camp. DOUG, WOODY and BOB

lounge by a fire - with a tent set up behind them. Doug

is roasting marshmallows and Bob is straining to blow up

an air mattress.

DOUG:

(TO BOB)

Why didn't you just bring a sleeping bag

like us?

BOB:

This is more comfortable.

(blows a breath into it)

I wish Karen would have let me buy the

foot pump, though.

"Wild Hogs" writers first draft 7/06/05 33.

Bob continues to inflate the mattress, as Dudley

approaches with a knotted plastic grocery bag.

DUDLEY:

This is poop. Don't eat it.

Dudley sets the bag aside and has a seat by the fire.

DOUG:

Dudley? You're supposed to bury that.

WOODY:

Yes. Go bury it.

DUDLEY:

It's in a plastic bag. I can't put that

in the earth. I'll find a trash bin

tomorrow.

The guys shake their heads and look back into the fire.

After a moment, Doug smiles.

DOUG:

This is really nice, you know? Chilling

by the fire with your best friends. Just

relaxing, and enjoying--

WOODY:

(TO DUDLEY)

I'm sorry. Dudley, you have to get rid

of that bag or I'm going to vomit in your

lap.

DOUG:

--each other's company...

Dudley grabs the bag and heads off.

DUDLEY:

Fine. I'll just hang it on a tree.

WOODY:

(yells after him)

Don't hang it on a tree!

DOUG:

Yup... These are the times we'll

remember.

After a minute, Doug turns to Woody and Bob.

"Wild Hogs" writers first draft 7/06/05 34.

DOUG (CONT'D)

Hey, when was the last time you guys

heard me sing Bon Jovi?

WOODY:

Oh, man. Thank God that stopped.

BOB:

It's been awhile. You're not as

obnoxious as you used to be. You used to

eat a lot more buffalo wings, too.

DOUG:

Yeah, I know. Turns out there's carbs in

the batter. Hey, you know what? Maybe

carbs are what I need to get old Doug

back.

WOODY:

Old Doug? You've lost your Dad?

DOUG:

No. I think I've lost me. It's this

thing Kelly said.

(BEAT)

You know what it is? I think I'm tame.

I'm like a lion that used to be wild, but

now I'm in some Disney park where tourists

come by and take pictures of me like I'm a

lion, but after they leave, I go into my

kennel and eat antelope nuggets or

something. Ones without carbs.

BOB:

I know what you're talking about. I

lost old Bob, too. I think my wife and

daughters killed him. I'm surrounded by

women every minute of my life. And it's

made me, you know...

DOUG:

A wimp?

BOB:

What? No. I was going to say miserable.

You think I'm a wimp?

DOUG:

No. I just thought that was what you

were... I thought you wanted us to

guess, and I didn't have a guess, so I

said "wimp." Knowing it was wrong...

"Wild Hogs" writers first draft 7/06/05 35.

WOODY:

You're a wimp, Bob. I'll say it. You're

afraid of girls. It's embarrassing.

Dudley comes up and sits back down.

DUDLEY:

I'm afraid of girls.

WOODY:

You're afraid to talk to one. Bob is

afraid they'll kill him in his sleep.

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