Wild Oats Page #3

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busy with other clients at this time.

Good-bye.

I'm shaking like a leaf.

Oh, come on, Eva,

you're not robbing the bank.

You're making a deposit.

But it's not my money, Maddie.

All you have to say is...

that you put it there for safekeeping

until the mistake was rectified.

Right?

But now what if it's a trap

and they arrest me?

You're old.

Tell them you were confused.

- Okay, so put your card in there.

- All the way?

- Really?

- Yeah. No, no.

Pull it out.

Five, zero, zero, zero...

- Mrs. Fenton?

- Oh!

It's me, Bernard Dyson.

Uh-huh.

I had you senior year.

You probably get this all the time,

Mrs. Fenton, but I just wanted to tell you...

You know, I do, and thank you,

and I never get tired of hearing it.

Sorry, she's just a little

nervous because her husband

- passed away recently and...

- My husband just died,

- and I was very nervous and I...

- I mean, and, uh, he was a machine.

- Maddie.

- This machine reminds her of him.

And he died of a, of a...

I don't know what I'm saying.

He was killed by a bank machine.

It's...

Sorry.

Uh, I'm sorry, Mrs. Fenton,

you go right ahead.

Thank you. Ask him where the check went.

- Did you do something wrong?

- No.

Well, did you put it in face up?

- Of course I put it in face up!

- Sorry.

- Take it.

- Hold on. Let me get you some help.

- Oh! No, no, no, no!

- Joyce. Joyce.

- No, it's okay.

- Don't bother with her.

Can we even deposit a check that size?

Mm.

It's an out-of-state check, so...

it may take up to three

business days to clear.

Oh, well, that-that's fine.

There's no rush.

Oh, dear.

What's the matter?

I don't know.

Oh, your toaster.

Oh, you...

Um, I-I left my toaster on.

She had bagels in it.

Oh, I'm sure it's popped up by now.

Yeah, but I forgot to slice the bagels.

And you know how bagels

are always getting stuck.

Yes.

Oh, was it a toaster oven?

No, no.

No, no, no, no, but it is...

Mrs. Fenton, in order to cash

a check this size, we have...

Mrs. Krims and...

Joyce.

...Joyce.

I have a very frayed chord on my, um...

- Toaster.

- ...on my toaster.

So I think I better take the check back.

There's no need for that.

I'll just call this bank

and, if the funds are there,

I'm sure we can clear a portion immediately.

Please don't. Please don't call.

Don't call, don't call.

It only takes a minute, dear.

After all, we're a bank.

The only thing you need to do...

is endorse it.

Oh, God.

Don't run. Just act normal.

Oh, will you get in?

I am getting in. I'm getting in.

Mrs. Fenton, wait!

I can explain.

I have never seen this woman

before in my life.

I'm sorry if I startled you.

I just called the bank in Connecticut

and talked to the manager,

and he's cleared the check.

- What?

- All of it?

Yes, it's an insurance company check,

so there's no problem.

The funds should show up online

by the time you get home.

You did the right thing.

If the insurance people call,

I can say, "Why? Look, it's right there."

I've got nothing to hide.

In the meantime, we can sit around

enjoying watching the money.

I could pay off Frank's hospital bills,

and the, um, dishwasher is broken.

Yeah, and with five million bucks,

you could even replace your shower curtain.

- Maddie?

- Hmm?

What would you do if it were your money?

If it was my money?

If it were my money.

- It is your money.

- No.

- If it were yours.

- If it was mine?

If it were your money,

not "was" your money, "were."

Oh, my grammar.

Right.

God, I don't know. I mean...

I'd go to the most

beautiful island in the world,

where no one ever goes.

Take all my clothes off

and throw them on a bonfire,

and just dance naked

with a dozen beautiful young men.

That sounds so horrible.

Yeah.

In truth, I'd drink mojitos

on the beach until my number's up.

Luticia, I need to get somebody

up here to fix these damn blinds.

I-I don't know how...

Surprise!

Oh, my goodness.

Make a wish.

I wish it was somebody else's birthday.

Alvin.

I've often wondered why you don't retire.

Oh, I wish I could.

- Oh?

- My daughter lives in China.

I fly her back here once a year to see me.

Plane fares are enormous.

I got a case right here.

If you nail this one, you can move to China.

Oh, I don't want to move to China.

- In the abstract.

- I feel very ill at ease there.

Alvin, we need to talk.

See, my daughter married

this Chinese boy that she met in school.

Alvin, open the file.

- Whose case is it?

- I'm giving that to you.

- To me?

- Yeah.

Uh, Eva Fenton.

Widow of, uh, Frank Fenton,

Liberty, Illinois.

Last week, Frank passed away.

Oh.

And on account of a computer error,

uh, we accidentally sent his widow

a check for $5 million on a $50,000 policy.

Holy sh*t!

- Yeah.

- That's some error.

Boy, I got to tell you, I won't lie to you.

It's the biggest screwup

ever to go through this office.

Uh, now-now you've been

with Beneficial, what, 30 some years?

- 38.

- 38 years.

No one wants to see your head on a stick.

Excuse me?

But if somebody's head's got to be

on a stick, better you than me.

Oh, uh, why should my head be on a stick?

Here's the situation, Alvin.

If we can't get that money back...

No, wh-why my head?

Why the stick?

You're the oldest investigator

in this office.

You could pull rank

and claim this case by rights.

- No, I would never do that.

- But if you did,

see, if you did and you didn't get

the money back, it wouldn't be my fault.

And maybe, just maybe I could keep my job.

Yeah, but why is it my head on the stick?

'Cause if that happened,

you would probably be fired.

Well, let's try another plan.

As an added incentive, you get four percent

commission on all the money you recover.

That is a lot of Chinese airplane tickets.

But what if she spent it all already?

That's the gamble.

- Can I refuse?

- No.

So how is it a gamble?

I am gambling on you.

I believe you can get that money back.

Because you understand

the mind-set of someone

who never made a difference.

Someone who-who grew old

between two mighty oceans,

but they never saw the sea.

Who-who are we talking about here, Randall?

You, Alvin, you.

So why are you so upset?

Because when I look at you,

I see what I might become.

Alvin, I need you to save my ass.

And maybe, maybe even your own.

You think she knows what she did?

Well, just remember, it takes a normal

person a long time to spend $5 million.

In my experience,

they can catch on pretty quickly.

Why don't I just spend all of it?

I wouldn't want you to do that.

I scrimped and saved my whole life.

Why don't I just have fun?

Spend the whole darn $5 million?

Well, if you're going to do that,

then you should officially give me half,

so I don't feel like

I'm sponging off you all the time.

Half is yours.

I love you, Eva.

I love you, too, Maddie.

Cariito.

What does that mean?

"Sweetheart."

Cariito.

This morning for your enjoyment,

we have the special champagne breakfast.

...then till you're done, and...

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