Wilson Page #3

I thought you hated "Lynne."

Excuse me.

Just let me get through.

Wilson.

Jesus Christ, man!

I'm just trying to get

my life together

and make a clean start.

Why would you show up

and say that sh*t?

I can't get over

how amazing you look.

I thought you'd be some...

nasty, skanky, rat-haired,

snaggle-toothed...

sore-infested ho.

But look...

it's like you came

through the gauntlet

without a scratch!

Wilson, you showed up at my work

and called me a crack whore.

In front of Melissa!

Well, you know what?

I didn't know!

I was afraid you were living

with a biker gang or something.

You can't imagine all the stuff

running through my head...

from the sh*t

that Polly told me.

You talked to Polly?

Yeah, I mean...

Who the f***

does she think she is?

She doesn't know the first

goddamn thing about my life.

And now she's saying bullshit

to everybody about me?

No. No!

(SIGHS)

(BREATHING DEEPLY)

I'm not doing this.

I'm not.

Because this is exactly

what she wants!

I am cooling out.

Mmm-hmm.

Doesn't know a goddamn

thing about my business.

I always told you that she

was a nightmare, remember?

Wilson, you said that

about everybody.

Was I wrong?

(CHUCKLES)

What do you want, Wilson?

My dad died and, uh...

Robert moved away,

so I'm all alone...

MOW.

I miss you, Pippi.

Yeah.

Sh*t. I wasn't...

I wasn't supposed to drink.

Huh?

Can this really be the

same Pippi who used to...

smoke and drink and

curse and fart and belch?

She was a disgusting pig.

Well, there was

never a dull moment,

that's for sure.

(WILSON CHUCKLES)

Pippi?

You were the only person

who ever bothered

to get to know the real me.

And I knew the real you.

The real Pippi.

And I think that maybe...

maybe I still know her.

It's been really hard.

I had some bad years.

I am so...

proud of you.

(EXHALES)

You're doing so good.

You're an amazing woman.

What's this?

(DOG WHINES)

No, no, no.

Pepper, down.

F***!

What?

Sorry, she's a little

bit overprotective.

Sh*t, I can't believe

you still live here.

Oh, I know, it's great, but...

you know, I can't help but think

it would've been great

if you just...

had the baby, and then we'd...

still have lived

together all those years.

And who knows what our

life might have been like.

P.T.A. meetings...

Guinea pigs...

Piano lessons...

You're totally

out of your mind, man.

If you had had the baby,

it would have forced us

to grow up.

You know?

I did have the baby.

What?

I had a little girl.

What are you talking about?

I put her up for adoption...

before I went to L.A.

Pippi...

you need to tell me right now

if you're joking around.

Wilson, we sent you papers.

No, I don't know anything

about what you're talking about.

She got adopted.

You had a baby?

Yeah.

I'm... I'm a father?

Kind of.

I am a father.

Why not?

I'm a father?

I'm a father?!

I'm a father!

Yes! Yes!

So...

how's business?

Terrible. Everybody just

does it themselves now.

When I talked to you

on the phone...

I pictured some guy with

an Army buddy on the force...

He gets all his info from

a blind guy on the corner...

Nope.

Nope.

Where the hell's

that goddamn file?

Cocksucker!

Oh, here's what I got.

"Claire Cassiday,

Parker Day High School."

You sure about that?

I do my best

with the information provided

but no guarantees.

(PRINTER WHIRRING)

Okay

Here she is.

Could lose a few pounds.

Couldn't we all.

Here we go. Fish and chips.

Enjoy, guys.

When are you done?

Wilson. I can't.

We're short tonight.

No, I got a great

surprise for you.

WOMAN:
Excuse me!

Could I get this with the aioli

on the side as I requested?

I'm so sorry. Let me take

that back right away.

And we still haven't

seen that Bruschetta.

I'll get that right away.

No, no.

Wilson, I can't wait.

Please, I'll lose my job!

It's your daughter.

Isn't she beautiful?

Excuse me. We have

tickets to Wicked and...

Hey, d*ckhead!

Shut the f*** up!

Can't you see that this woman

is having a profound moment?

(SIGHS)

Somehow I just can't process

that this is your place.

I mean...

Don't get me wrong,

it's, uh, really...

nice.

Very tasteful. I just...

It's a sublet, dumb-ass!

(EXCLAIMS IN RELIEF)

Thank God.

So...

what do you want

to do about this?

Wilson, I've seen it.

Don't you do

another goddamn thing.

I can't even catch my

breath around you. Enough!

I'm not talking about anything

major, Pippi. I mean...

don't you want to

see her in the flesh?

(SIGHS)

What are you saying now?

What do you want to do,

stalk her?

(LAUGHING)

Holy Christ, Pippi.

Where do you come up

with this sh*t?

Why the hell do people

move to the suburbs?

It's like a living death.

Wilson, what are we doing?

(SIGHS) What?

I never...

stopped loving you, Pippi.

I stopped loving you.

Ouch.

Well...

(WILSON SIGHS)

I spent so many years hating you

and now I can't even

remember why.

I guess it drove me nuts

that I was such

a f***ing mess...

and nothing I did

ever scared you away.

Well, you remember this?

Mmm.

Yeah.

29 stitches.

Yeah.

That almost scared me away.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

(GASPS) Shh, shh, shh.

They're on the move!

They're on the move.

Wait! What are you doing?

I told you. I just want

to get a glimpse of her.

But you just saw her!

Get down! Down, down.

Sh*t.

Up, up'

(ENGINE STARTING)

Wilson, just let this go.

No, we got to go.

Wilson!

(PIPPI WHINING)

Okay, the coast is clear.

Cool it, Wilson.

Jesus.

Oh...

We made that.

GIRL:
Hey, it's Claire.

Hi, Claire.

What's up, Claire?

Why are you here?

They having a sale

on big-ass clown clothes?

Go die, a**hole.

BOY:
Oh...

I'm sorry,

what did you say to me?

Oh, no.

What did you say to me, b*tch?

Hey, Claire,

Jenny Craig's over here.

Fat-ass b*tch!

Where are you going?

Hey!

You need to shut the f***

up, you little prick!

Watch yourself, a**hole.

No, you watch it!

That's my daughter!

Wilson, not now!

Bad timing!

You little son of a b*tch!

Get off me, a**hole!

No! Let go!

I'm not letting go!

Let it go!

Wilson!

I'm gonna kick his ass!

(SOBBING)

Believe me, Pippi gave

you a true gift...

by giving you away,

because we were in no

position to be parents.

I was told that

she was an unfit mother.

Oh, you were told the truth.

She was on the street,

strung out on drugs...

comforting strangers.

I never was on the street.

Look, it doesn't...

Don't get bogged down

in the details right now.

We're just thrilled to finally

have the opportunity

to get to meet you!

And if you're wondering about

the lack of

family resemblance...

you couldn't tell it

by looking at her,

but she used to be a real hippo.

Your grandpa wrote

a well-regarded novel

about Melville, and...

Pippi's Maternal Grandfather

was a famous judge

in Ohio, and...

Sh*t!

I have to go.

Oh...

Well, it's been...

truly amazing getting a chance

to have this time with you.

Okay, bye-

Okay-

Bye.

Bye.

(LAUGHING GIDDILY)

I'm not some

strung-out skank, man!

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