Woody Woodpecker Page #3

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is at the end of the month.

We really wanna play there.

If you help us out,

I'll lend you that guitar for free

for the whole summer.

You interested?

Uh... Yeah, totally!

Hey!

This is our road, and we didn't

give you permission to use it.

Um, actually, this is a public road

built with government funds

and it belongs to everyone.

So technically you are correct.

It is yours, but it's also mine.

Hey, you don't get off that easy.

Look, I don't know what I did

to offend you guys,

but whatever it is, I'll stop.

'Course you will.

You'll be too busy crying.

Seriously! Doesn't your school

have an anti-bullying policy?

Sure does. That's exactly

why we got kicked out.

Right, John? High five!

-Ooh! Look, a guitar!

-Hey, give that back!

What was that?

Whatever it was, it clawed me!

Woody!

Now as for you two, where were we?

Get ready to go commando!

This bird's psycho!

Woody, that was awesome!

You went all MMA on 'em!

Nobody messes with my BFF!

And by that, I mean,

Bringer of Free Food. See you!

Oh, come on, George.

You gotta be kidding me.

And why am I paying for that?

It is not my bird.

Fine! Fine. Just...

Every day out here is costing me money.

Yeah, great. Thank you.

Hey, buddy, where you been?

Town.

Where'd that come from?

I'm starting a band with a girl I met.

Oh, and fun fact, I almost got

my butt kicked on the way home.

What are you talking about? By who?

A couple of Neanderthal kids.

It's okay, because Woody saved me.

-Who's Woody?

-The woodpecker.

Do not mention

that stupid bird.

-Stupid?

-Yeah.

Last I remember, that stupid bird

-wasn't the one covered in bird poop.

LANCE:
You know what?

That's enough outta you.

You're in a time-out. Go to your room.

I don't have a room.

Then go into the RV.

Fine!

Oh. And in case you were wondering,

nobody in town is happy

about us building a house up here.

-Can you believe that?

-I know!

What is wrong with these people?

Don't they understand

how great this is gonna be

for their property values?

No, Lance.

I'm talking about

how disrespectful your son is to me.

Oh.

Yeah. That.

This isn't what I signed up for, okay?

Being stepmom

to a bratty kid who hates me!

-Baby, he doesn't hate you.

-He hates me.

If anything, he's just mad at me.

He's just acting out.

I know this is difficult,

but you just gotta be patient.

You'll see, we're gonna get

our old life back in no time.

I promise.

Mmm.

WOODY:
Wakey wakey.

Here's Woody!

Ow. Ow. Ow.

That is it.

I'm finished with you!

Now maybe you didn't get the memo,

but man, not wildlife,

is top of the food chain!

So if I were you,

I would get outta here

before you land on my rotisserie!

Nice rant. Easy to dance to.

I give it a seven.

Hey.

Yeah, you better fly outta here!

WOODY:
Yeah, right!

Really? A pinecone?

How pathetic...

You sure this foundation's

deep enough, George?

I want this place to last

longer than these trees.

Twice as long, sir.

Trust me, been doing this a long time.

All right. Babe, isn't this great?

I'm not really a cement person.

Can I have the keys for the car?

I need to go into town

and find a place

to get my highlights touched up.

Sweetheart, why does that matter?

We're out here in the middle of nature.

Yeah, and I wanna look natural.

-Keys are in the RV.

-Okay.

Time to get these trespassers outta here.

We can do this the easy way,

or the Woody way.

I'm thinking the Woody way.

LANCE:
Come on, Tommy.

You cannot sit in here all day

staring at a screen.

There's nothing to do here.

Nothing to do here?

They're getting ready

to pour the cement. That's cool.

You should go outside

and watch them do that.

Pass.

Go outside and find something to do.

-Anything.

-Give that back!

VANESSA:
Lance? Hurry! That thing is back!

Oh, my God.

No, no, no, no, no, no!

Jackie Chan taught me this one.

How about some of this?

How about some of that?

Bath time!

Hope you're getting hazard pay.

-No, don't! No!

-Karate chop!

I do all my own stunts.

Here comes the thunder!

Don't worry.

I didn't forget about you two.

You're my favorites.

Let's get to the SUV!

Mmm, I wonder how this thing works.

Only one way to find out.

Oh...

Come on! You know

you want me to push it! Oops!

VANESSA:
Lance! Lance...

You were right, Lance.

Watching them pour cement is fun.

Now that's how you do things

the Woody way.

LANCE:
I'd like to file a complaint.

No.

No. No.

Yep, that's it.

That's the flying demon right there.

The pileated red-crowned woodpecker?

-Yep.

-Impossible.

The red-crowned woodpecker

has been extinct

for almost 100 years.

I'm telling you, that's the bird.

Uh-huh. Sure it is.

Any chance you're taking

any sort of medication?

Look, I don't care

what kind of bird it is.

I want it off my property for good.

Now how does that happen?

Well, the local Native Americans believed

it was the incarnation of Marconda,

God of Chaos and Mayhem,

mischievous trickster

who haunted the forest.

Super factoid. What did they do about it?

Moved away.

-Moved away?

-More like fled.

Didn't even pack,

left all their things behind.

Well, I'm not gonna flee.

Can we just kill it?

No, you can't just kill it.

The woodpecker is a protected species.

You'd be breaking the law.

A $10,000 fine.

Do you take credit cards?

And two years in jail.

All right.

Well, there's Plan A.

Do you have any ideas?

Learn to live with it.

There is plenty of room for both of you.

Thanks.

You've been tremendously unhelpful.

NATE:
How hard can it be

to find a red-headed woodpecker

with hands?

Well, I feel like I know

the answer to this one.

Hey, give me a hint.

Oh... Oh, no, no, no.

Oh, no, no, no.

That's it!

Nobody poops on my truck

and gets away with it!

One time.

That happened one time

and you never let me forget it.

Hey, I know that song. That's my ringtone!

Well, what do you know? Peanut Butter Boy!

That was awesome!

Heck yeah! We killed it!

-Hey, kid!

-Hey, Woody!

I was just flapping by and heard someone

laying down a fresh beat.

Whoa!

What kind of bird is that?

Some kind of woodpecker.

He lives up by my place.

Before I met you guys, he was

pretty much my only friend out here.

Friend? Hmm...

Nope, never had one of those before.

The festival's at the end of the month.

We still got a lot of practicing to do.

One, two. One, two, three, four.

Everybody's heard about the bird

Yeah, this here is my jam!

Bird is the word

Bird, bird, bird

Oh, yeah! That's right. I peck by ear.

Never had a lesson.

Whoa! That bird's got mad skills!

Don't you know about the bird?

Well, everybody knows that

The bird is the word

Bird, bird, bird

Oh...

Bird, bird, bird

LANCE:
Another bill!

Where did this come from?

Oh, jeez! Bees!

Run!

-To the river!

Hmm. "On"? Okay. I can do that.

Just like in the cartoons!

I'm back!

No, no, no!

Well, don't you know about the bird?

Well, everybody knows that

The bird is the word

Well, the bird, bird

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