Worst Friends Page #5

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hit her back, man.

Establish some f***in' power.

Or just be in a relationship

where those games don't happen.

Doesn't exist.

Gotta understand that, you know?

Can't let one bad egg

ruin the pantry.

You gotta get your heart broken again.

Get out there.

What are you looking at,

Jimmy Stewart?

Nothing. I think I see

Zoe walking her dog.

- Sam?

- Zoe.

- Oh, my God!

- Oh, my God.

I didn't know you lived

in Jersey.

Yeah.

Never left.

Really?

Yeah.

I mean, I did for a second.

About 20 minutes out of town.

- Wow.

- Yeah.

I don't have a license,

so it's tough.

Um, are you

taking care of Jake?

Yeah.

Why?

His dad asked me to.

It should take a lot more

than his dad asking you to.

[dog barking]

Hey, Harold.

What's shaking?

- You remember his name?

- Of course.

[barking]

You want some company?

Sure.

Cool.

[barks]

You see anybody

from high school?

Once in a while,

around town.

You?

The ones who live

in the city, sure,

but not that much.

High school wasn't

the best time for me.

Yeah, anybody could have

told you that.

Jake's a pretty shitty guy.

Especially to you.

I guess.

Anyway, I grew up

across the street from him.

You know what he did

on my tenth birthday?

No.

He gave me a card.

It said, "Happy Birthday.

I hate you."

Ohh! That sucks!

I know! It sucks huge.

I was ten. I didn't know

what a sociopath he was.

I thought

he actually hated me.

I remember that knocked me out.

Ten years old.

Yeah, that's pretty bad.

I'm sorry he did that to you.

It was a long time ago.

Feels pretty small now.

How'd it go?

You fingerblast her brains out?

No. It was fine.

We just caught up.

I catch up with my cousins.

- Are you gonna see her again?

- I don't know.

Did you ask her?

I didn't.

I live here, Jake.

I got all the time

in the world.

What?!

You know what?

I like her just as much I did

when we were in high school.

It was easy talking to her.

And in a week and a half,

you're gonna be on a plane

back to L.A.,

and I can do

whatever I want, right?

You're not gonna do anything.

That's not true.

This is a perfect time.

She's vulnerable, she's hurt.

Am I right?

She's in a bad way, sure.

So manipulate that sh*t.

If it's because I've already

plowed that pasture,

I give you my permission.

My loose, flaccid permission.

Thank you.

Sam!

Hey, Jake, what's up?

I'm hungry.

And I smell like sh*t.

What are you doing?

Zoe was walking Harold.

I was up...

Waiting for Zoe to walk Harold.

Yeah, I know.

What the hell, Jake?

She's gonna find out

you're a creep at some point.

For once, please try

to keep things to a low boil.

What the f***

does that even mean?

I'll feed you in 20 minutes.

I promise.

[phone ringing]

[ring]

Hello?

Jake! Boyo!

Hey, Dad.

Boyo, how do you feel?

Okay.

I'm getting better, I think.

Can I get a little refill

on this one, please?

Great!

How's the honeymoon?

Fantastic. Couldn't have

come at a better time.

- That's great.

- Listen, is Sam around?

- He's in the shower.

- Oh, uh...

Can you let him know...

Listen, I fudged the dates.

Yeah, we were gonna be back

two days later than I told him.

- Sure.

- Now, uh...

if you could just offer him

an extra 50 bucks

on top of the 500 I owe him

for the extra days.

No, wait.

No, no, listen.

Don't offer him anything

unless he looks really upset.

Even if he is,

let's start at 50,

but don't go higher than 75.

No, don't go higher than 100.

- Yeah.

- Okay! That's my boy!

Now, listen,

you have a good time.

Don't have too much fun

and no part...

You got any money?

I wanna get a paintball gun.

Any money? No.

You don't have any extra money

lying around?

Just the food money that your dad left.

A paintball gun?

Yeah. I think it'd be fun

to just wheel around

and shoot one off, you know?

No. I mean, uh, if I had

the money, yeah, sure.

But I don't, so sorry,

no paintball gun.

Sam!

Spilt my cereal!

Are you serious?

Unbelievable.

- Oh!

- Come on!

Raspberries!

You're crippled, not stupid.

We're gonna need

more paper towels, too.

Zoe.

Jake, what's up?

Jesus, I didn't realize

you were hurt that bad.

Yeah. The car flipped over,

threw me a good 30 yards.

Really?

Yeah, it was pretty bad.

The doctors

didn't even know if I'd...

[sighs]

Not important.

Are you gonna walk again?

Think so.

I hope so.

Uh, well, it'll knock

some sense into you.

You would know.

- What?

- No, no, no.

I didn't mean to be cruel.

I just meant with everything

that happened with your dad

and your job.

It was bad.

Worse, even.

Yeah.

I'm really sorry, Zoe.

Your dad was a great guy.

It's okay.

I'm gonna go inside.

It was great seeing you.

You just...

You forget, you know?

Sure.

Zoe, can you do me a favor?

Uh, sure.

You know how Sam used to have

a thing for you in high school?

Um, yeah, I guess.

Well, I've been using

the accident

as this opportunity

to make things right with him,

and I just know he'd think it

was weird if he knew we talked.

Uh, okay.

Uh, I'm sorry.

Okay, yeah, I understand.

Thanks.

To Catch a Predator is on.

Wasn't your dad on that show?

No.

Hey, it's 10:
00.

You know where your kids are?

In bed with Sam's dad.

Wait, what time is it?

Hey, it's 10:
00.

Do you know where your kids are?

Gotta go!

Sam, we need

more toilet paper!

And Drano!

[barking]

Are you waiting for me?

No.

I don't know.

Maybe.

All right, come on,

let's go.

What are we doing?

We're going for a walk.

You're too pale.

Okay.

Where's your dad?

He went on his honeymoon

with his new wife.

Oh, he's got

his priorities in order.

Well, I'm not used to my dad

not being an a**hole.

Hey, Zoe?

Yeah?

When I apologized yesterday,

I was apologizing

for everything.

What do you mean?

I mean, I know it's a cop-out

to make a blanket apology,

but that's what this is.

I'm sorry.

It's cool. You prevented

me from ever dating

anybody like you in college,

so I owe you a thank-you.

Well, I hope I'm not

like that anymore.

So tell me about your life

in Manhattan.

- What do you wanna know?

- Everything.

Your job, your apartment,

your friends.

Just talk to me.

Okay.

Sam, you gotta do something

about Zoe.

I don't know.

Stop being a little b*tch

and do something.

What is your problem?

Stop being a b*tch and letting

people walk all over you.

Good call.

So are you seeing anyone

in Manhattan?

Right now?

Now or before, I guess.

Whatever answer you have.

Not really.

I don't know

why I said not really.

I meant no.

What are you doing

tomorrow night?

Nothing.

You're not working?

No. Why?

Uh, I don't know.

Seriously. Why?

I'm just curious.

No reason.

Wake up.

I need more pills.

Fill the prescription.

- Now.

- [pop]

Okay.

So did Sam talk to you

about you?

- What?

- Nothing.

- You know what'd be nice?

- What's that?

Me cooking you dinner.

- [laughs]

- What?

I've liked seeing you.

It's been great.

It's nice to know

that people can change.

It sounds like naive, but...

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