X-Rated: The Greatest Adult Movies of All Time Page #3

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IT'S FUNNY-- I WASN'T EVEN

AWARE-- IT WAS-- I WAS WATCHING

THE FILM, BUT I WAS ROOTING FOR

BOTH OF THEM TO BE TOGETHER

UNTIL THE ACT-- END MOMENT WHERE

SHE'S GIVING HIM A BLOW JOB,

AND HE'S DEGRADING HER AS IF

SHE'S NOT IN THE ROOM, UH,

PRETENDING THAT SHE'S NOT THERE,

AND THEN THEY HAVE THIS MOMEN WHERE THEY-- THEY COME TOGETHER.

IT'S JUST-- IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

YOU KNOW WHY MOST PEOPLE

HAVE SEXUAL PROBLEMS?

THEY TALK TOO GODDAMN MUCH!

JAMIE IS A VERY SWEET PERSON

ON ONE HAND, AND ON THE OTHER

HAND, IS A VERY DISTURBED

INDIVIDUAL.

JAMIE HAD HIS DEMONS.

YOU INSTANTLY JUST ARE SO

ENGAGED BY HIM.

IN FACT, WHEN I STARTED WATCHING

THE-- THE OPENING IN "MISTY

BEETHOVEN," I WASN'T EVEN AWARE

THAT JAMIE GILLIS WAS A PORN

PERFORMER.

I THOUGHT HE WAS GOING TO NO HAVE ANY SEX IN THE MOVIE,

BECAUSE HE WAS SO GOOD.

YOU THINK TO YOURSELF, "HOW

COULD THIS GUY BE A PORN ACTOR?"

WORKING FOR RADLEY METZGER

WAS, UM-- I DON'T REALLY KNOW.

I-- I DON'T KNOW HOW TO REALLY

SAY IT-- IT COMES BACK TO THA THING, "IF YOU CAN'T SAY

ANYTHING NICE..."

OKAY, LET'S GET YOU

UNDRESSED.

NO, NO, NO, YOU DON'T DO I YOURSELF.

YOU DON'T KNOW HOW,

FOR ONE THING.

HE TOLD ME HE DIDN'T THINK

I COULD ACT, AND THAT'S WHY HE

PUT ME THROUGH EVERYTHING.

THAT WAS HIS JUSTIFICATION.

I THINK MEN STINK.

WELL, THEY THINK YOU STINK.

IN FACT, IT'S ONE OF THE MOS PERFECTLY BALANCED EQUATIONS

IN NATURE.

I'D LIKE TO SAY THAT MOVIE

WAS MADE MORE WITH BLOOD AND

SWEAT THAN MONEY.

HE REALLY DID:

MAKE A MASTERPIECE.

I'VE HEARD SO MANY PEOPLE QUOTE

LINES FROM IT THAT HE MUST HAVE

BEEN DOING SOMETHING RIGHT.

IT HAS AN EXTREMELY STRONG

STORY WITH BEAUTIFUL IMAGERY.

AND, ALSO, I MEAN, LOOKING A IT ALL THESE YEARS LATER, IT WAS

ALSO-- I MEAN I LOOKED

PRETTY GOOD, TOO.

I THINK IT WAS ALSO THE FAC THAT IT WAS MORE REALITY

THAN FANTASY.

THERE IS SO MUCH GOING ON

WITHIN THAT MOVIE THAT REALLY

SAYS, "THIS IS AN ARTISTIC

EXCUSE ME. UH, PARDON ME.

DO YOU MIND IF I BLOW

YOUR WAITER?

NOT AT ALL.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT ON EARTH

HAPPENED TO MINE.

BARBARA BROADCAST WAS A MOVIE

ABOUT A WOMAN WHO IS A SEX

WORKER WHO WROTE A BOOK.

IT'S TAKING PLACE AT A

RESTAURANT, AND PEOPLE ARE

GIVING BLOW JOBS AS IF

IT'S NO BIG DEAL.

NOBODY'S BATTING AN EYE,

NOBODY'S LOOKING AT I PEOPLE ARE HAVING SEX ON TABLES.

AND IT WAS WHAT I FEEL A TRUE

ADULT SHOULD-- FILM SHOULD BE,

WHERE THERE'S ABSOLUTELY ZERO

JUDGMENT ABOUT EVERYTHING THAT'S

GOING ON AROUND THEM.

YES, WE'LL HAVE YOUR

RESERVATION IN ABOUT FIVE

MINUTES.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

YOU'RE QUITE WELCOME.

THERE'S A LOT OF JOKES IN

"BARBARA BROADCAST."

ONE OF THEM IS WHEN THE

MAITRE 'D, UM, HE RECEIVES A

BLOW JOB EVERY TIME SOMEBODY

DROPS A PLATE OR MESSES UP.

AND IT'S JUST SO CAVALIER IN

THAT HE JUST UNBUTTONS

HIS PANTS, AND THEY GE DOWN ON THEIR KNEES.

WELL, BOBBY ASTER I REMEMBER

VERY WELL, BECAUSE HE'S THE VERY

FIRST PERSON THAT I EVER WORKED

ANNETTE HAVEN'S A BEAUTIFUL

WOMAN, AND IT LENDS ITSELF TO

THIS IDEA THAT YOU CAN BE

A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN

AND BE A SEXUAL WOMAN.

MY BROTHER'S KIND OF SHY,

AND, WELL, HE'S A BIG, BIG FAN

OF YOURS.

WELL, WOULD YOU MIND GIVING HIM

AN AUTOGRAPH AND A LITTLE HEAD?

ANNETTE, UM, WAS JUST, UH,

JUST ONE OF THE MOST FLAWLESSLY

BEAUTIFUL WOMAN I HAD EVER SEEN,

LET ALONE I THINK IT WAS THE--

THE FIRST RED BUSH

THAT I HAD EVER SEEN.

SERIOUS AS A HEART ATTACK AND A

GREAT BUSINESSWOMAN,

AND, UH, NUTTIER THAN A

FRUITCAKE AS WELL.

IN "BARBARA BROADCAST,"

METZGER'S USING THESE VERY WIDE

SHOTS WHERE YOU'RE SEEING SEXUAL

ACTIVITY HAPPENING WHILE THERE

IS DIALOGUE HAPPENING BETWEEN

THE MAIN CHARACTERS.

THERE ALSO WAS ANOTHER JOKE IN

"BARBARA BROADCAST" THAT I LOVED

WHERE I BELIEVE IT WAS THEY

ORDERED UP A NUMBER 17, WHICH,

BASICALLY, WAS A MAN CAME ON

A SALAD.

HE DOES A WONDERFUL

CAFE AU LAIT.

IT'S CINEMATICALLY BEAUTIFUL,

THE LOCATIONS, I MEAN, SHOOTING

AT, UH, A RESTAURANT.

I MEAN, THE KITCHEN SCENE WITH

C.J. LAING WITH ALL THE STEAM

AND THE POTS AND THE PANS AND

THE THIS AND THE THAT AND...

THEY TOOK A SCENE FROM "MISTY

BEETHOVEN," I UNDERSTAND, AS A

FILLER FOR THE GIGANTIC CLIM--

CLIMAX OF THE FILM.

SO WE HAVE THIS LITTLE PE WORKING FOR US, AND TO SET HER

STRAIGHT, WE LET CURLY AT HER,

TO ACT OUT ONE OF HIS FANTASIES.

JIMMY WASN'T VERY NICE TO ME

WHEN HE FIRST MET ME.

THE MAKEUP LADY,

SHE KEPT PUTTING MORE HAIRPIECES

IN MY HAIR, MORE AND MORE

HAIRPIECES. SHE SAID, "WELL,

I DON'T WANT HER BRAINS TO SPILL

AND JAMIE SAID, "WELL, IF IT'S

GONNA BE REALISTIC-- IF THEY'RE

GONNA COME OUT, THEY'RE GONNA

COME OUT.

STOP PUTTING THOSE HAIRPIECES

IN HER HAIR."

I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT WAS

GOING ON.

JAMIE WOULD CALL ME WHENEVER

HE WAS IN KIND OF ONE BIND OR

ANOTHER.

HE SAYS, "MITCH, YOU'VE

GOTTA COME HERE RIGHT AWAY.

YOU'VE GOTTA COME RIGHT-- RIGH AWAY," AND I HEAR THIS, LIKE,

WATER SOUND, LIKE,

THIS FLUSHING SOUND.

HE'S LIKE, "HURRY, HURRY."

SO I THREW SOMETHING ON,

AND I JUMPED IN A CAB.

I GET THERE, AND JAMIE WAS

F***ING C.J. FROM BEHIND,

BUT HAD HER HEAD IMMERSED

IN THE TOILET BOWL, AND SHE HAD

A NECKLACE ON, AND THE CATCH GO CAUGHT, AND SO HE HAD TO KEEP

FLUSHING THE TOILET IN ORDER FOR

HER TO GET AIR.

AND I GOT THE CATCH FROM

UNDERNEATH HER NECK, AND, UH,

SHE COMES UP FOR AIR AND SAYS,

I'LL GIVE YOU $10 IF YOU LE ME LOOK AT YOUR TITS.

MR. GREENFIELD!

PLEASE, PLEASE, I JUST WANNA

LOOK AT YOUR PRETTY LITTLE TITS.

YOU KNOW WE'RE ALL

GOOD GIRLS.

THE DIRECTOR AT THE TIME--

I'D WORKED FOR HIM QUITE A FEW

TIMES-- I HELPED CAS SOME PEOPLE IN THAT FILM.

I ALSO, UM, FOUND A WAY TO GE ACCESS TO BROOKLYN COLLEGE.

AND WE KINDA KNEW WHEN THE

FACILITIES WERE OPEN.

WE-- IT WAS LIKE "DO WHAT YOU

CAN WHEN YOU CAN."

WE JUST LUCKED OUT.

WE DIDN'T GET CAUGHT DOING

ANYTHING.

I DON'T THINK I WAS EVER

ON SET WHEN BAMBI WOODS WAS

ON SET.

MAYBE I MET HER ONE TIME.

SHE WAS, FOR THAT TIME,

INCREDIBLY HOT-LOOKING.

DEBBIE, WHAT ARE YOU

GONNA DO?

RAISE THE MONEY FAST.

WHEN DO YOU HAVE TO

LEAVE, DEBBIE?

IN TWO WEEKS.

BUT THAT'S NOT ENOUGH TIME

TO RAISE THE FARE.

THE WORST THING ABOU "DEBBIE DOES DALLAS" IS

R. BOLLA'S THE ONLY GUY THA GETS TO F*** HER.

YOU WANNA F*** THAT GIRL.

I MEAN, IT'S A COMPLETE TEASE.

IT'S A-- IT'S A COCK-TEASING

FILM, AND IT WORKED

ON THAT LEVEL.

SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT...

OH!

(WHISTLE BLOWS)

THE DALLAS COWBOYS STARTED

THE WHOLE CHEERLEADER CRAZE,

AND IT REALLY WENT VIRAL.

IF YOU COULD USE THAT WORD

BACK THEN. AND SOMEBODY WAS

SMART ENOUGH TO CAPITALIZE ON

THAT. THEY DIDN'T HAVE ANY IDEA

IT WOULD BLOW UP LIKE IT DID.

NO, MOM. YOU KNOW

I'M GONNA STAY WITH YOU.

OH, DARLING, I'M SO GLAD.

KIRDY STEVENS.

WE MET-- WE MET AT A RESTAURAN IN, UM, WEST L.A., AND HE TOLD

ME IT WAS ABOUT INCEST, AND I

SAID, "NO, ABSOLUTELY NOT."

I LOVED "TABOO" AS A MOVIE.

IN FACT, THE ENDING WAS SO

DISTURBING AND BOTHERSOME TO ME

THAT SHE DIDN'T END UP WITH HER

SON, IT MADE ME QUESTION MY OWN

HE PERSISTED, AND THEN, UM,

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