Yoga Hosers Page #7

English and do voices.

By watching every

single thing on Netflix.

I'll be...

I'll be back.

And I discovered that this

modern world worships popular.

Arts and entertainment.

I'll be back. I'll...

So, for the past six months.

I've been sculpting again.

Don't ya know?

Sculpting up a storm with the help

of my wicked little wiener babies.

Wunderbar!

May I present the debut of

my first new work in decades.

It's a sculpture

celebrating my beloved

adopted home of Canada.

I call it. the Goalie Golem.

So. what does everybody think?

Well. I will tell you

that this giant Canada man

is very bold.

And it's a real statement.

You know?

Mm-hmm.

It captures perfectly

that kind of essence

of the True North. you know.

Oh. thank you.

But it also captures the

actual people that you killed

in the sculpture as well.

Regrettably.

Hmm.

So I'm thinking that we should

all be very afraid right now.

But. Mr. Lapointe,

you and the Colleens

were never in any jeopardy.

You see. I brought the

Colleens here to help me.

I have a need for their

very specialized skills.

Um. I don't mean to be mean.

But I don't know

who this is either.

Rats.

Do you want to try doing

someone we might recognize?

Hmm.

Uh. do you know the actor

who played the Batman?

I can do him too.

You see girls.

Each night as I slaved away

over my masterpiece.

One dream fueled me.

Uh. that does not

sound like Batman.

Yeah. Batman sounds like...

Where's the trigger? Uhh.

Where's the trigger?

Uh. where's the trigger?

Uh...

No you don't understand.

He's doing the original.

The real Batman from the

televisions. Adam West's Batman.

- Wasn't it'?

- Yes.

It's supposed to sound like...

Uh. where's the trigger. Joker?

Uh uh.

Where's the trigger?

Do you know he never once

said that line to the Joker.

So just stop it.

The only thing I've dreamed

of for the past six months

is looking at a photograph

of me standing proudly

next to my sculpture on the

"Famous People are Just Like You"

page of Them Weekly magazine.

Oh my god. he reads it too!

Isn't that page. like, the best?

One time. they showed

Harry Styles buying bacon.

- It was so hot.

- It was so hot.

And this is my Harry Styles

buying bacon moment.

Now you are pleased

to photograph me

for Them Weekly magazine.

You're kidding!

You're never going to believe

this. Mr. Old Man. but

we don't have our phones.

What?

Nein. nein. nein. nein, nein.

So much nein it's almost 10.

How can this be? You always

have with the phones.

The cops took our phones.

Surely you must have a phone.

Herr Guy.

My phone has no camera.

What the fudge?

So. nobody has a camera.

I guess we have to go directly

to phase two of my master plan.

Fly my pretties,

Fly! C'mon.

Wunderbar!

That's right. yes.

Wiener babies, let's go!

C'mon. c'mon.

Let's all go to the lobby.

Let's all go to the lobby

Whoa.

And okay for you. Mr. Straggler.

Now you inside there.

Now. my wiener babies.

Bring mein art to life.

Rise. rise!

Rise!

Yeah that's what I'm

talkin' about. baby!

- Wow.

- Wow.

That's the same thing that

Them Weekly magazine

is gonna feel

when they see this baby.

For tonight he is going to

start his bloody rampage

across the True North.

Killing every art critic

in Canada.

What?

Go my Goalie Golem.

Go kill the critics and all

the haters that gotta hate.

Oh. I hate those haters.

- You can't let him do this.

- You've gotta stop him.

Let me just hang on a minute.

Let's...

He's not talking about

killing real people.

He's just talking

about killing critics.

Mr. Lapointe!

Let it go!

Use the ladder!

Go my Goalie Golem!

- We can do this.

- Yeah.

We don't need his help.

We do tons of stupid

stuff without adults.

- All the time.

- All the time.

It's just a bunch of

Bratzis in a giant suit.

And we beat a bunch of Bratzis before.

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Okay but what are we gonna do

aboot Guy Lapointeless over here?

This epic fail?

Unhand me. Unhand!

Okay all we have to

do is do every yoga pose

Yogi Bayer ever taught us.

That's your plan?

What in the heck did your

yogurt instructor teach you?

He taught us to destroy

everything that threatens

anything and anyone you love.

By hook or by crook.

And that's the Yoga Way.

Frenchie. Let's go.

Wunderbar. wunderbar, wunderbar!

Hey Bratzi Party.

We wanna have a Weenie Roast.

Wunderbar!

Nein. Das frauleins!

Wunderbar. Wunderbar.

Wunderbar...

Nein. nein, nein,

nein, nein, nein.

You're objective is not

the Colleens. it's the critics.

- Nein wunderbar?

- Nein wunderbar.

This is all bad.

This is all wrong.

I give you two thumbs down.

Das frauleins.

As your maker. I command

you to crush all the critics

and the negative peoples

and the haters who

gotta hate. hate, hate.

Mein Heiny.

- What you waiting for?

- Haha..

I command you to kill a

negative critic right now!

Okey dokey. Papa.

Oh. Sheisse.

They just killed their dad.

Wunderbar. wunderbar,

wunderbar...

All right. I'd say

we got his attention.

Boss stage. biotch.

Wunderbar!

Warrior one!

Now. warrior two, back to back.

Okay. now warrior three...

We crush King Koopa

and save Princess Peach.

Yeah okay.

Warrior three!

- Sh*t!

Atlas Shrugged!

- Atlas Shrugged!

Dissatisfied customer!

"I don't like the

product you've given me!"

So. this is yoga.

Warrior Two!

- Yoga Fett?

- Yoga Fett.

Yoga Fett.

Yoga Fett. Yoga Fett. Yoga Fett.

Basic. right?

So basic.

Ah Schwein!

- You okay?

- I'm okay.

- Are you okay?

- It's been a long night.

Hey!

You big bear riding a bulldozer!

Wunderbar. Wunderbar.

Why don't you pick on

somebody your own size huh?

Wunderbar!

Don't come to me.

Wunderbar. Wunderbar.

Wunderbar.

Auf Wiedersehen!

Three-legged Dog!

What the...

Two-Legged Dog.

In a Push Cart.

Mein spine!

Of all the times not

to have our phones.

Right?

I am so sorry ladies.

But I seem

to have dropped my

book onto your wiener.

No, no, no, no, no!

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

But this is getting ridiculous.

Now you're telling me that

you own Boo Boo Bayers too?

How can Warner Brothers

own something

that I just made up last week?

No. I did!

Yes. out of my own brain.

Smarter than what average bear?

No. No. No. I...

Sorry. sorry, may I speak?

Is it my turn to speak?

I think you need to

find some inner peace.

Mr. Yelling Lawyer Man.

So why don't you shove

your head up your anus

and look for it? Namaste.

Piece of sh*t.

Young ladies. Young ladies.

Might I just tell you I

am a huge. huge, huge fan.

Out! Get out! Take off!

- I'm a fan!

- Shoo!

No. No. No. you go!

- What am I. a dog?

- Shoo, get going!

- No. go, go!

- But I want to see them!

You're smudging my glass with

your perverted energy. go!

Sorry aboot that. girls.

I'm very incredibly satisfied

by those dissatisfied customers.

No. We don't want it. right?

And release.

Sorry about that guy.

Yogi Bayer.

No. No. No. do not be sorry.

That is not the yoga way.

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