You, Me and Him Page #7

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- [DR. PARKS] Miss Jones?

- Hi.

Oh!

I'm so sorry.

There's no heartbeat. I'm so

sorry.

What? Wait, wait.

- Are you sure? Could you try it again?

- No heartbeat was detected. I'm certain.

How are you certain?

Maybe, you made a mistake.

Most...

Most commonly, an infection has occurred.

We'll do further tests.

I know this is hard.

But I'm afraid we have to think

of Miss Jones' safety.

Now, and the safest step now

is to deliver this baby.

Plea... Please could you... could you

just do it one more time for us?

Just one more time again.

I'm so sorry.

She's gone.

She?

Could you give us a minute?

- [ALEX] Babe?

- [OLIVIA] Yes, I'm here.

I don't want you here.

[PANTING]

I don't want this in anyone's memory.

I just want to get it done.

[GRUNTING]

- Are you sure?

- Please.

[JOHN] "Seldom, except in books, do

the dying utter memorable words,

see visions, or depart

with beatified countenances...

and those who have sped

many parting souls know

that to most the end comes as

naturally and simply as sleep.

As Beth had hoped,

the tide went out easily...

and in the dark hour before the

dawn...

on the bosom where she

had drawn her first breath...

she quietly drew her last.

With no farewell but one loving

look...

one little sigh."

Look, I know you're probably

gonna wanna talk about it...

about her.

But you see, I can't.

I don't know if I'll ever be

able to.

I was so looking forward

to being something.

Anything.

[GLASS BOTTLES RATTLE]

- Is John okay?

- Uh...

When he cries...

his entire body crumples up

like a little old lady's.

That's funny.

- It's not.

- No.

I actually saw him this morning.

I can't help waddling...

about, reminding him... Sorry.

Maybe, it's best if you keep

your distance from him a bit.

Right. Okay.

We could go to my parents', I

suppose.

Or you can go if you want.

[SUE] Darling!

- We're going to have such fun.

- [OLIVIA] Oh!

Daddy's birthday party's coming up.

I've invited that Biggles Tilsbury.

- I've got such a girl crush on her.

- You can just say crush, Mummy.

- Anyway, I shouldn't be here for long.

- You can stay here as long as you like.

We really are fine.

I think it's time you started thinking

about this baby other than that girl.

Don't you?

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Hello!

Oh, look. John's sporting a man

bun, the final tosser frontier.

He's a handsome devil.

Sorry, darling.

Oh, look! Biggles Tilsbury just got here.

You two would make a lovely couple.

Thanks, Mummy. I still have a

girlfriend.

- [ALFIE CHUCKLING] -Where's

Magda and the girls then?

Oh, um, she took the kids

on a weekend away.

Isn't that a bit odd, going on

holiday without your husband?

- Um...

- Not at all, actually. No, um...

- Trudy leaves Sting behind all the time.

- Does she now?

- Bully for her.

- Hmm.

[MOUTHS]

This is organic Hereford

blackcurrant vodka.

[POPS BOTTLES OPEN]

And this is the coolest old

person party I have ever seen.

I better not.

Alex, an international playboy

once said, "To drink is to live".

And that international playboy

was me!

[LAUGHING]

Yeah, Alex. What you got to

lose?

Just one shot.

- Hmm.

- [INDISTINCT CHATTER]

- [OLIVIA] Very nice to see you.

- Whatto!

Oh! Sorry.

- Biggles, how are you? Very long time.

- Very long time, yeah.

The last thing I remember was

running around your garden naked.

- Oh!

- [LAUGHS]

- So, last week then?

- No, no. We were five.

Yes, no. I was joking.

Oh, right. Yeah, I know, 'cause

wouldn't have been last week.

- No.

- Wouldn't have been naked.

Aren't you a bit old to be

having a baby?

- Uh, I guess not.

- Ah! Well, I do hope it's normal.

Thank you.

Most kind. Ben.

Come over. Biggles, do you remember Ben?

This is my brother.

- Uh, vaguely.

- You babysat me through childhood.

- Oh!

- We went to the same school

and then university.

Ben? Whose wife is a rampant

shagger?

Yep. That Ben.

You used to wet the bed, didn't

you?

[LAUGHING]

- [JOHN] Get up!

- [ALFIE SCREAMS]

[JOHN SCREAMING]

[JOHN AND ALFIE SCREAMING]

[SOFT SONG PLAYING]

Hi!

Alex.

Hey.

You weren't just going to

leave, were you?

No. I just needed a moment away

from it all.

You've been drinking.

- Yeah! I'm allowed now, remember?

- I know. I...

I wasn't saying...

- Did you not get the invite?

- Yeah. I'm...

stood right here.

[CHUCKLES]

Well, what part of "garden chic"

do hot pants fit under?

I don't know. Is there

a I-don't-give-a-f*** option?

Yeah, okay.

[SIGHS]

Alex, can we try and get

back to normal? Please?

Maybe, less of the swearing,

smoking, boozing?

More of the early nights, yoga?

So, I can be a good mum to my

non-existent child, is that it?

No. So you can be a good mother to mine.

For ours.

- I need more time.

- We don't have any more time, Alex.

Please.

We need you.

I can't be everything you want me

to be right now. I'm so sorry.

This feels like something has

broken.

- It's just changed.

- No.

I shouldn't feel so lost when I'm

where I always wanted to be.

[SUE] Olivia!

Should I go?

Olivia?

[SIGHING]

[DOOR OPENS]

Wow!

- Has she even seen this?

- No.

Why is it yellow? She's having

a boy.

And what if it was a boy that

wanted to be a girl, Jonathan?

Yeah, all right.

All right. I'm a middle class,

straight, white guy and I suck, sorry.

To teach is to learn yourself. It's

a noble and inspiring profession.

Good.

- And Miss Jones?

- What?

Um...

I guess if I'm a teacher then

I won't be some wired artist,

desperate for her next joint.

I'll be normal. Be part of the

race.

That sounds quite nice, now.

And yeah, what she said.

[DOORBELL RINGING]

- Whatto.

- Hello, Biggles.

Bought the backgammon. Bit of competition

should help get that baby out.

Oh, yay!

- John, what on earth are you doing here?

- Hold the door. I have to talk to you.

- Who's this?

- Biggles Tilsbury. How do you do?

That is such a stupid name.

No offense. You should be a dog

in a handbag, in like, 2001.

- Goodbye, John.

- I have to talk to you.

- We're busy.

- It's Alex.

- What's wrong with Alex?

- Do you like my bun?

- I don't have time for this, John.

- No. But, yet, you never have time.

I've lost the love of my life, I'm

40 and I live with my parents

and I'm about to sh*t out

another human being.

[WAILING]

Have you got a point in this

conversation?

Or in life?

Boo-f***ing-hoo!

You know what you may not know,

Olivia?

I was born with scoliosis.

[CLICKS TONGUE] I had a back

brace

right through school

to straighten things out.

- Okay.

- I know.

You're thinking, "But how he's

so tall and Greek-God like?

Well, that was not the case back then.

I was twisted like a pretzel.

The other boys used to hang me by

my brace from the football goal net

and then kick balls at my head.

- Oh!

- Right at my head.

- Gosh!

- Yup. And these were Scottish boys, not...

ya Harry Potter, posh, wee, skinny things.

These are real proper men,

kicking balls, right at my head.

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