Zack and Miri Make a Porno Page #4

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That would definitely buy a porno

we arranged, just to be like "hey,

I sit next to that guy in Civic's.

Look at his f***ing dick!"

We sold a thousand copies at

off our bills.

-So, what do you think?

- Nah, I don't think I wanna f*** a stranger.

Oh, wow. Like you've never

done that before.

How many guys have you met in a bar,

taken home.. Banged..

with your mouth and then

never talked to again?

-That's what we call a stranger.

- Dude, I don't one night mouth f***

anybody that I pick up in bars.

Okay, fine. You don't wanna f*** a

stranger in porno movie

For some weird reason..

I guess..

-We could f***.

- Yuck.

-F*** you.

- I mean, you're nice enough

looking guy and everything..

Holy f***, thank you. You're old

enough looking girl. How does that feel?

Dude, I'm just saying it would be

weird and wrong, you know, like

f***ing my brother.

Ok, seriously. We're just

talking about sex, okay?

And it's for a purpose,

if we're getting rich.

Only my dick and your p*ssy

would be doing something weird.

Our bodies and brains

would be acting.

And you just explain to your

private before hand.

Look, this doesn't mean anything.

We're just doing this for cash.

-Oh my God.

- What?

You're just doing this, cause you've

always wanted to f*** me, aren't you?

Yes, I've gone my whole life pretending

that I want nothing to do with you.

Just hoping, one day we'd be in such

dinar financial straight

So I could use it to

finally make my move on you.

-You're just being sarcastic.

- I am. See, I was pretending cry right there.

I guess it's not

gonna be like creepy.

Like if we just got way too drunk

one night and accidentally f***ed.

No. We would be going in with the

understanding that it's..

-A business decision.

-Strictly a business decision.

It's a means to an end.

Right.

And by end, I mean I'll

be waxing your ass.

Oh f*** you! I'm not even

letting you see my ass.

I've seen your ass and

the rest of you naked around

a billion times already.

Well, that goes both ways, buddy.

You've never seen my dick. Have you

seen my dick? You've never seen my dick.

Are you kidding! That part when

we went to, where you got blasted

And then we all watched you

try for like an hour.

Thanks by the way for f***ing

letting me do that, thank you.

Oh God, we really do know

too much about each other.

This would really just

be one more thing.

I mean, look at us, it's Thanksgiving

we're hulling around flaming

F***ing garbage can like

a couple of steno bums.

I mean, this could give us chance to pay

off our debt, pay our bills, get a f***ing

nice apartment with a heat in it maybe.

What is wrong?

Miriam Linky, will you have

sex with me on camera for money?

I will.

Who's the producer?

He's the guy who gets

to finance the movie.

Hell, what made you think I got

that kind of money?

We just need that. We just need

what you're about to spend on the flat screen.

And I can't get my flat screen! F*** that.

No, no, no, no. Dude, with your kind

of profits, you can get two flat screens

you have one in your living room,

and one in your bath room.

One in the bath room?

That has always been my dream..

Watched it while I sh*t.

Everyone with an ass loves

to watch it while they sh*t.

-I'm gonna make that happen for you, man.

- I don't know, man.

What else does the producer do?

They help with the casting.

-What's casting?

- It's finding the people to be in the movie.

-Oh, so I get to help pick the women?

- Yeah.

Like I can look at the titties

and make sure there ain't no moles on them?

-You can look both titties, man.

- Oh man..

I'm looking at the same busted

titties for the past almost 20 years.

-I'm due for another new tittie.

- Please, help us.

Yes! Yes, I love you.

Well, don't mind that smell.

But we had some homeless people

squatting in here. You know what,

they would avoid their balls

everywhere but the bathroom.

Anyway, you pick up the poop

and you got yourself a movie studio.

Or we could just shoot this thing

in your apartment?

No power. You wanna

pay the electric bill?

-You mother f***ers.

- We'll take it.

Come on, come on, come on.

Oh Jesus.

Come on.

Why the f*** do

I have to do everything?

F***ing God..

They f***ing suck.

I'm gonna hate f***

the sh*t out of you Reff.

-Dude.

- It's cool. He's my cousin.

Didn't you use to video tape the varsity

basketball games in high school, or something?

Just the away games. I did it,

cause I was trying to f*** a cheerleader.

-Which one?

- Every one who wanted to f***

a guy who taped the varsity games.

You still have your video camera?

Who cares what the title is?

The porn I liked, when I was a kid,

it was always like a spoof of a popular movie.

Like.. Edward Penis Hands.

-Okay, so we need a mildly clever

dirty title, that sounds like a real movie

and will basically sum up what you're gonna say.

-"An American Werewolf and Brenda"

- "F*** Back Mountain"

Too soon?

-Next.

-Jerk my crayon

and let me color your white.

I need talking,

I need it now.

-I'm f***ing you in the puss.

- I'm f***ing you in the puss..

-It's puss as in p*ssy.

- Oh, because I was like..

Who would wanna f*** puss.

I want to slam my ham in

your canvaman. Scene.

-This guy is amazing.

- This guy is great looking too.

Hi, My name is Delaney and I'm

a producer, if you know what I mean.

Let's be honest, my first time.

You don't have to worry..

-I'm gonna touch you, nothing like that.

- Alright.

I have a wife, we're happy..

We're not happy but it's cool.

Just so you know, there will

be some f***ing but uh.. We'll

talk about that if you get the part.

-Okay.

- I mean, not we won't be f***ing.

There will be f***ing in the movie.

Like I said I got a wife and she

don't play that sh*t. She's crazy b*tch.

-Yup.

- It's my job as the producer

to see what you got.

So.. To make sure you're

comfortable in any way.

You don't have to show me anything

you don't wanna show me, cause..

I love the movies.

-"Lawrence of a Labia"

- No.

-"Dawn of the Dick"

- Yeah, but how are zombies

doing it all sexy.

- I want to eat your brain

and your ass.

-Dude..

-Scifi, yeah!

Closing counters with

a turk from behind.

-I don't know what that means.

- Just asses. F***ing keeping asses.

-What?

- We're making a porno

And we just need to know what you would

be or would not be interested in doing.

-If anything..

- No anal.

-Oh, definitely not anal.

- Anal and hugging.

-I don't do ass stuff.

- Anal.

Oh f***.

Oh wait oral,

I like anal.

Okay, so do you have

any special skills?

Special skills?

I can get balling really quick,

and it sticks straight up.

-Is that really special skills?

- I think it is. Can you show us what you mean?

Sure.

Oh, that is special.

Yeah, you're hired.

Mr.. Who are you again?

Lester, Lester the Molester

Cocking Stuff.

Wow, that is the best porn

name I've ever heard, man.

I can have a porn name?

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