Zack and Miri Make a Porno Page #5

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Then I'll be Pete Jones.

- Okay.

Are you Granny Panties?

-She is.

- Get the f*** out of here.

The Granny Panties are

actually in the house, I'll get them.

"Star Sex II"

We never made our "Star Sex I".

I guess we'll lose the "Star Sex III"

"The Search For Cock" then.

-Cock-ant

- What's that?

It's cuckoon with a cant.

So, Delaney told us you have

a special talent of some sort.

I don't know if I

call it a special talent,

but it's a little something

I picked up during bachelor parties.

-It would probably be easier

if I just showed you.

- The floor is yours.

So a movie, huh?

That could be fun.

F***.

Her name Bubbles.

-"Vas-ion of the party snatches"

- It's like mad magazines.

Oh f*** you, okay. You try to

think of a good scifi porno title,

it's hard.

There's gotta be one we

haven't thought of. That would say

it all, not be ridiculously

filthy and off putting. And still

have in some recognition with our audience.

I got it!

-"Star Whores"?

- Yeah, funny right?

See, we figured this opens us

up to even bigger sales market.

Beyond the people

we went school with,

people who like comics and scifi.

Comics? Like Ziggy?

Ziggy? Is that even in f***ing

papers anymore? No, man.

F*** you. Ziggy is a comic.

It's right next to Family Circus.

No,like Spider Man and sh*t,

you know.

There's always a sh*t load of those

Star Wars nerds at those car-pic shows.

So we sell them a Princess Leia, that

they can really f*** and jerk off, too.

That would be me,

Princess Lay Her.

-Who am I planned?

- You, my friend, are the lead role of

Luke the Guy Baller.

Oh man, he gonna be balling dudes?

I thought you said it was just boys on girls.

If I had to f*** a guy, okay,

but I would rather f*** a girl.

-What's wrong with you, boy?

- We'll change the name to uh..

to Sky Baller. I will be

Hung Solo. Delaney my friend,

-You are On Your Knees Bend Over.

- Man, I can't be in no porno movie

-My wife will kill me.

- Hump me, On Your Knees Bend Over,

your my only hump.

On the other hand, f*** my wife.

Unfortunately, On Your Knees Bend

Over is not having sex in the movie,

but the drawings do.

ICUP and R2T fag.

-I robot.

- And Stacey over here is gonna play

Darth Vibrator.

- I'm the bad guy?

-It's not a guy, Zack.

- I know that, cause I'm not a f***ing idiot.

In our movie, the Darth Vibrator

is a bad girl who wants to f***

the galaxy, literally. And it's

up to Luke and Hung to stop her.

-With their c*cks.

- See, you and me get to have sex then.

- Cool.

- Yeah, I know.

Hold up, so who are having

sex with who, in this movie?

I was about to say I was

having sex with Zack.

What? Hung Solo ain't never

had no sex with Princess Leia

In the Star Wars.

Oh, guys look, this isn't a

literal adaptation here

It's more of an erotic re-imagining.

Kind of like the Whiz.

With lots of anal.

- Cool.

I have a question. Do Princess

Lay Her and Luke Sky Baller have sex?

No. Because they're brother and sister.

And according to Miri brother and sister

can't f***.

But you actually said that this

wasn't literal translation so

that means, Lester's character

could have sex with Miri's character.

Cause I would love to f***

and eat her ass and f*** her silly

in the movie.

Well, dream on Pall, cause

it's never gonna happen, okay?

- No, I'm fine with it.

- See, she's fine.. Wait, what?

Yup. I mean, everyone else is

having sex with more than one

person in this movie all the sudden

So, I think it's, you know, not

fair if I'm only f***ing you.

Guys, read them up to yourselves.

Can I talk to you for a sec?

Look Mir, we got plenty of sex going

on in this thing already.

You don't have to do that.

Zack, it's fine. I mean, I have

slept with way worse looking guys

than Lester.

And I just want to do my part

for the movie like everyone else.

You're having sex in the movie

already, so you don't need to f***

someone else, you're good.

I'm only f***ing you though so,

don't we need to vary it up

Keep it fair?

- Fair for who?

What are these blood diamonds

we're talking about. I mean, come on!

Fair for everyone else who is

f***ing more than one person..

A.k.a you, in the movie.

I mean fine.

- Alright then.

-If you don't care.

- I don't f***ing care if you f*** him.

I don't give a sh*t. Like you said

f***

Holy sh*t. Are we really gonna

shoot this in out of space?

Maybe not bigger idiots.

Star Whores

Cut. Alright guys, that's it.

So everyone just make sure you

leave costumes, so we know

they're here for tomorrow, okay?

But mostly, everybody, thank you

so much for helping us get ready.

Cleaning this place out, building

the sets and sowing the costumes.

-It's really amazing, thank you.

- Seriously, thanks.

But this is just the beginning

guys. If Star Whores works,

And it will.

We're set up for..

"The Empire Strikes Ass"

- "The Return of the Brown Eye"

-"The Phantom Man Ass"

- And The Revenge of the Sh*t

The all anal final chapter.

-Okay.

- The Revenge of the Sh*t,

you got it?

Yeah, no, we got it.

We'll talk about that one. We're

gonna have a lot of fun, but more

importantly,

We're gonna make a lot of

f***ing money, okay?

So get ready for greatness people.

Tomorrow we start

Alright. Good night, you guys.

-What?

- Nothing. I just think someone should

Knowledge how completely insane and

amazing this is. And it's all because of you.

Ah, no. It's just a porno.

You know what I mean.

You're really coming to your own.

Shut the f*** up.

So, speaking off coming in things,

ready for tomorrow?

what it's like to have sex with each other.

Wow, you say that like you've been

wondering what it'd be like sleep with

me for a while now.

Why the f*** do you think

I started hanging out with you?

I knew it.

Here, help me.

Let's just promise that,

this is not gonna change anything

between us, okay?

-Like what?

- I don't know. Some guys can't keep

sex in prospective.

If anyone is gonna keep this in

prospective, it's you.

I don't want you to get all mooshie

and gooey on me after I give you

the best orgasm you've ever had in your life.

Oh right, like you know

what you're doing down there at all.

I actually don't. Where's the clitoris,

is it in your ass?

Just so you know, make sure you

kind of whoop it up and act like

I'm a stud, who knows what he's doing.

Just be a pall.

Oh, dude. I'm gonna

marital street the f*** out of this,

You watch.

-Thanks.

- You're welcome.

No really.. Thank you.

For everything.

You're welcome.

Less than 12 hours,

we make Monroewill history.

I hope nothing goes wrong.

It's a movie, what could go wrong?

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

What the f*** is going on?

No, you gotta stop it now!

We rented this place for a month

From Mr. Jenkings.

Nah, sounds like your Mr. Jenkings

is full of sh*t.

I'm gonna kill that

lying old f***!

You're gonna have to go down to

Florida to do so. That's where he moved.

We got thousands of dollars of

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