Zack and Miri Make a Porno Page #6

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equipment there, man.

Please.

Hey, if you wanna shift trough

this ravel, be my guest.

Hey, get that f***ing

beam down!

I know this is probably the

last thing you wanna hear right now, but

If you don't get an advance

on your salary,

I don't think we're gonna

keep a roof over our heads.

I got an advance already-

Went it all on the costumes.

- So all our money is gone?

All your money?

Never mind, what my wife is gonna

do to me when there ain't no new

snow tires

But when she sees a charged

video camera-

Sorry I dragged you into

this, man.

I just wanted to

see some free titties.

That's all. But there's no

such thing as free titties..

Is there, Zack? Is there?

F*** this noise.

Why we don't just get another

camera and shoot something else?

Where we gonna do that?

You got another sound stage?

What sound stage?

We had a sh*t covered garage

we turned into a sound stage.

We find some place new,

and we do it again.

How?

I'm broke, man.

No, make that I was broke..

Now I'm really tapped out.

I'll have to get another job just

to pay Delaney back, so please

tell me, how can I afford

to start over?

-What can I get ya?

- Yeah, can I get..

Too f***ing late.

Cappuccino, $ 3.50.

Honestly, I don't know

what the f*** I was thinking.

I'm a total loser in every

single other aspect of my life.

What made you think, I could

do as simple as filming

People f***ing. We have no money

left, no where to shoot, we have no sets

We have no f***ing cameras. Here!

It's time I go back to my

old regular life

Where I'm a quiet f***, who

does not cost anybody any money

And knows his God damn position

behind this f***ing counter

Making cappuccinos for

this f***ing guy.

Oh, yeah.

What are you doing?

Yeah.

F*** yes!

You sneaky Indian mother f***er,

I tell you. Yes!

-Swallow My Cockacino!

- What?

That's it. That's the movie.

Why didn't I think it before.

We don't need sets

Or a stage.

Look at all this production value.

Waiting to have balls on it!

Hold up. You wanna shoot the

movie here,

-Where we work?

- Yes!

F***. Yes I do!

Do you know how many stories

I have from working here?

How many times I've been laid

right there after hours?

You've never got laid

here after hours.

I know!

Thank you for reminding me.

But I always wish I had.

And that's what porno is.

A fantasy.

If taking the normal,

and making it abnormal

By f***ing it.

- Don't do that.

Little dog don't like that.

- How the f*** did you get a camera?

By being a terrible,

untrustworthy employee.

That's how!

Give me a day, I'll bang out

a script. Meet me here after closing.

We're gonna load gism

all over this mother f***er! Peace!

I like that guy.

But if he tries to f*** that little

dog tonight for real, I'm calling Humane Society.

Called Bean-n-Gone, so get

the f*** out of here.

Vamos, Stacey. Is already recording

Swallow My Cockacino,

Scene 12, take 1.

And action.

I'd like a double espresso,

so I could stay up all night,

Cause I'm in the mood to f***.

I'm Hornista, so I love to f***.

Would you like to f*** me?

Holy f***. You mean, after

you're done with your shift?

I mean during my shift.

Keep going, keep going.

With your shaft.

Let us f***!

Music.

Okay, open up the

tamer guys. Let us see it.

More tongue.

Little less tongue.

See, I told you it's work.

Look, it's amazing.

Incredible.

Pull out of it actually.

No, not you Lester.

Can you slap ass

and not be a pervert, dude.

Yeah! Stir it.

-Hey.

You guys still open?

No. We close at nine.

I need coffee

so I can drive home.

That's a cute kitty.

You guys see the game?

I was at it.

The quarter back was all

f***ing..

-All night!

- Okay, pall. Here, on the house!

-I love you, man

- Love you too. Have a good one, okay?

Yeah, I'll have a cold one.

- I said have a good one.

You and your little dog.

-Action!

- Oh, yes!

Oh God, this is good.

Take it! You take it!

Take it Barry!

-Take it.

- I'm disturbed how turned on I am by this.

Oh sh*t, there's someone.

Okay, that's a wrap everybody.

Yeah!

Let's give a hand to hottest

with the bodies form last night.

Stacey, Lester, Bubbles, Barry.

Okay. We come back tonight

We finish up the scene and

then we get to me and Miri stuff.

Again.. Amazing first

night everybody. Thank you so much.

Let's us f***.

-Hey, how did it look?

- How do you think it looked?

Looked like sh*t going

in other sh*t.

What an artist. That was

careless motto:
sh*t going in other sh*t.

Oh man, I can't believe

you gotta work now.

It's okay. You know what?

Honestly, I don't think

I could sleep.

I pretty like pumped up right now.

- Right? It was amazing.

It was awesome. I think the cast

and crew had a good time.

- We we're getting great sh*t.

- Yeah, it was so fun.

I wanna keep shooting people

boning all f***ing day.

I don't think I've ever met

the ambitious Zack Brown before.

Well, trying to pay the bill so..

It's not a bad thing.

I think it looks good on you.

Come on, hurry!

Wait a minute, you guys

never did it before?

It's fine, you know..

We talked about it.

And it's just for the movie.

We're friends, you know.

We're just friends.

We will always just

be just friends so..

Listen, I have some extra

loop from last night..

I mean, I understand it's hard

to get wet when everyone's watching.

At least it was for Barry.

I don't know if I'm gonna need it

- Really?

Yeah, I think I'm just..

Excited.

Of the idea people watching,

not because of Zack.

Oh my God. Zack Brown could never

had that effect on me in a million years.

- Hello Miriam.

- Oh, hi..

-Your Face.

- Yeah. Weird, huh?

I don't think I've seen

your face since Senior year.

I think, I made a mistake.

I did it for you, you know, so

you didn't get a road rash

During our scene, but I should've asked first.

I look like f***ing baloogle whale.

-I think I'll be going now.

- Okay..

All I keep thinking, we should've

done a trial run a home.

-Oh my God, right?

- Yeah, I know.

-You're still cool to do it, right?

- Yeah, totally.

-Are you?

- Yeah.

Honestly, I'm a little nervous

I guess. It's..

-It's kind of a big deal.

- It is?

Yeah, you know. It's..

Our first time together.

Since our auspicious debut

on viral video.

-Yeah.

- That's a f*** load of pressure for

a director.

As a director? Please.

What about the anxiety I'm

feeling as an actress?

-Then I picked the right project.

- Yeah, right.

What about this follow-up here?

I mean, Julia Roberts followed

Pretty Woman with Sleeping With

the Enemy, you know?

I'm following Granny Panties with

Swallow My Cockacino.

True. The only difference is, this

movie is about cock sucking

-And her movie just sucked cock. Period.

- Yeah, the only difference.

The end was pretty rag.

I like that.

She kills them..

- With a gun.

Yeah, it was so awesome.

So I guess we should do this.

I think we should probably wait

Just until I lose another 20-30 pounds.

-Stop it. You look good.

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