Zack and Miri Make a Porno Page #8

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Well, for one thing, you've been

trying to keep me from f***ing

Anybody but you since we

started this thing.

Maybe, I was thinking

about your feelings.

Were you thinking about my feelings

last night

When you were banging Stacey, cause

that would be really sad for Stacey?

She told me, that you told her

that it was okay.

I told it was okay,

to ask you.

Holy sh*t. I get it!

I f***ing get it.

It was a test. That whole

f***ing thing was a test. Is that it?

If it was, how do you think

you did?

We had a discussion. We actually

had many discussions..

About how, it was just sex

and how we wouldn't let it get weird.

-Then I'm not acting weird.

- No, you're acting like a jealous

-F***ing girl friend is what he f***

you're acting like.

- I'm not your girlfriend.

-Oh, I know that.

- And you're not my boyfriend

So why the f*** are we having

this conversation right now?

Because you're about to

f*** Lester to spite me!

-It seems like.

- Did you f*** Stacey to spite me?

No, you f***ed her just like you

f***ed every other stupid b*tch

And never gave a sh*t

how I felt about it.

-That was before

- Before what?

Don't f***ing pretend, that the

other night you and me there..

That that didn't mean anything to you.

That you didn't feel it too.

Oh, you're not getting all gooey

on me here, are you Zack?

You know what? If you were

any other b*tch,

I wouldn't give a rat's ass

about, I would tell you to go

f*** yourself right now,

Because, I f***ing hate this

game playing sh*t.

But you, you mean

more to me than that.

So I'm just gonna lay this out

on the front street.

I know you feel something big,

something real the other night when

we were together

Because I felt it too.

We tried to f***, and instead

We wound out making love.

So if this is it what you

need to hear

In order to keep you

from f***ing Lester.

If this is what you need, fine.

Here it is. I'm gonna say it.

I love you, Miri.

-Happy?

- Oh Jesus.

You better get hold of yourself,

Zack, cause we just f***ed.

What if I didn't f*** Stacey?

-But you did.

- You know what.. Oh sh*t.

What?

Alright guys, don't forget

I'm down here watch that pull out, huh?

This is some damn good coffee.

Hey man, where are you going?

- Get the f*** out of here.

We gotta finish this movie.

Can you believe this sh*t?

-Do you believe this sh*t?

- What the f*** just happened in there?

I'll tell you what just

happened in there..

That chick frosted me,

like a f***ing cake!

Three Months Later...

Seriously, we shoot the

sh*t out of this b*tch.

-Cock shots?

- Cock shots.

We shot you in the balls!

Well, it's my job to get

shot in the balls so..

Excuse me..

Didn't you use to work in the

Bean-N-Gone coffee shop?

I sure sh*t hope this

pays better, I tell you.

So why don't they just shoot

you with a puck?

-What do you mean?

- I mean, what does paintball

gotta do with hockey?

Nothing, I guess..

So, ain't no prices or..?

In the balls.

Yeah, they sure are. It's a living though..

Oh, you get the checks I've been senting you?

Yes, thank you very much.

I appreciate that.

Well, I didn't save you from

the brutal tongue lashing though, huh?

Well, you know, the wife never found

out about the camera, cause

-I payed off the bills.

- How did you manage that?

-Because now I'm rich.

- No way!

-The post office f***ing settled?

-Hundred and sixty large, son.

Nice man! Congratulations.

It's a beautiful day, thank you very much.

- I thought you made that all thing up.

It's very real,

you can believe it.

No, she's spending off.

Well, since you ain't

gonna ask me..

I just go ahead and tell you..

No, I have not seen Miri.

- I wasn't gonna ask that.

Oh. I suppose you weren't

gonna ask about your movie either.

Look, that's why I came down here,

cause

I need you to come and

take a look at it.

-I'm not interested, man

- Well, you better get interested,

Cause you still owe me money.

- What's wrong with the movie?

-The story doesn't make sense.

- The story?

It's a f***ing porno movie, man.

What story?

It's a movie, dog. And a movie's

gotta have an ending.

-Which we don't have at the moment.

- Credits.

-There's your f***ing ending.

- Do me this favor, okay?

When you're done getting your

nuts blown off,

come back to humble Mornoewill

to my crib for couple hours.

Check out the flick,

you tell me what's missing.

I'll tell you what. You do that,

you don't know me sh*t no more.

-Really?

- Really.

-Is your wife home?

- Yes.

Maybe I should leave the

patch on, huh?

You got some extra ones?

-Hey honey.

- Where the f*** you've been?

-And who the f*** is this now?

- Would you calm down woman? God damn!

You already left one white boy

down in my basement.

What if that mother f***er

was grabby on me?

-Ain't nobody wanna grab on you.

- Oh, what in the f*** was that

supposed to mean?!

-Ain't nobody wanna grab on you!

- White boys love me! White boy?

-I said white boy!

- Yeah?

-You'd f*** me, wouldn't you?

- Should I say yes?

-Say yes.

- Yes.

Why don't you uh..?

Head down stairs..

-It's through this hall way.

- Nice to meet you.

You too.

What the f*** are

you looking at?

Why you gotta be up in here

yelling at me in front of my director?

-Oh, he's the director?

- Yeah.

I didn't know he's the director.

Okay, well, why don't he direct

my ass into a new mother f***ing

husband.

How about that sh*t?

Oh, don't nobody want them saggy

ass balls!

- Saggy balls?

Look how saggy ass titties

you got run around here?

Oh, then mother f***er we match!

Oh sh*t.

-Where's my paintball gun at?

- Look at you, editor and DP

You got your sh*t covered, man

Please, don't ever say sh*t

covered to me again.

Roll the film for the man please,

so we can see what he thinks.

Just jump to it though, I ain't

gotta all night. The b*tch is on me.

Nigga Rich Productions, classy

-Yeah, Dream Works was taken.

- Was it?

Plus it sounds like underground

gay f*** club.

"I met a guy at Dream Works"

Yeah.

Alright, so we got Lester

and Stacey f***ing.

And then we got Barry and

Bubbles f***ing.

And then this boring bullshit.

Okay, just go to the

next scene would you?

-Ah, what next scene?

- The one with Miri and Lester?

-We never shot it.

- Why not?

Because, after you left that night

Miri came out of the back room

and said she couldn't do it.

-We wrapped after that.

- Wrapped? So..

-Wait.. So Miri..?

- Never f***ed nobody.

Just you.

Now, I wonder why she did that.

You see, there was the time when I

was just a bitter old f***

Making coffees.

And stacey was just a lap dancer.

And Barry and Bubbles didn't

know each other.

And this fool here, hell, I don't

even know what he was!

-A white supremacist.

- Ah, f*** you.

Then two people come along

And showed us something,

we didn't know existed.

A world of possibilities

Where plain old people, just like us

Can do something special.

Even if it's someone filming

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