Ziegfeld Follies Page #4

- Congratulations.

- Thank you. Beat it.

- Why did he offer you congratulations?

- A relative died.

- Oh, that's too bad.

- Yeah, it's terrible, ain't it?

- Now I'm gonna press your coat.

- Thank you.

Monty. Monty.

A London syndicate is offering us

$25,000 for the ticket.

And we ain't got the ticket.

Talk. Talk.

- Talk, talk. Talk, talk.

- Well, I...

Don't say a word.

Don't say a word.

The trouble with you,

you get too excited.

Don't get excited.

Don't get excited.

Don't get excited.

Hold yourself together.

Don't go to pieces.

Hold yourself together.

- You all right?

- Fine.

What will we do?

What will we do?

Let's tell him the truth.

Maybe he'll give us half the money.

Poison, he'll give us.

That's what's the trouble with you.

You get excited.

You go to pieces.

I got an idea.

If we get excited,

he'll get suspicious.

So we'll go in there,

and we'll act very nonchalantly.

- You know, namby-pamby.

- Pamby-namby?

See, like nothing happened.

Wait, where's a cigarette?

Here. Here. Put a cigarette in there.

Now laugh.

Laugh like you told me a funny story.

Like nothing happened. Laugh.

Oh, Monty.

That was the funniest story.

Tell it to him.

Mr. Martin, my wife is so in love

with that sweepstake ticket.

Not that it means anything,

just a whim.

Mr. Martin, if that ticket did win,

what would you do?

I'd hop on a boat, go over to Ireland

and collect the money.

Monty. Monty.

Monty, it didn't work.

We was too namby-pamby.

Now what will we do?

Honesty is the best policy.

Let's tell him the truth.

- There must be an easier way.

- George Washington told the truth.

Did he win a sweepstakes?

Besides, this man

is holding back our property.

- Here. Take this vase.

- What for?

Just a light tap. Not hard.

Just a little tap on his head.

- Don't break the vase.

- Why should I hit him?

- Say he tried to kiss me.

- Who would believe it?

I can dream, can't I? Wait.

I know how to get the ticket.

I'll flirt with him.

If I only had a sweater.

I'll take this.

I'll get that ticket

or my middle name ain't Violet.

I'll captivate him.

- Am I captivating?

- I never noticed it before.

Norma, I think you've got

something there, but don't go too far.

No, just far enough

to get the ticket.

What's the matter?

Did you hurt yourself?

No.

You know, Mr. Martin...

...I find life just too dull for words.

- Ain't you?

- What?

All my life. All my life...

...l've been languishing

away in this terrible flat.

What's the matter? Is there something

wrong with the plumbing?

No, it's not that. It's my husband.

He don't understand me.

Is that so?

Well, do you know, Mrs. Ederman...

...you're looking very attractive.

- You think so?

- Would you like to loll away the time?

- Yes.

Shall I turn on the radio?

And we'll dance?

- Yes.

- And we'll have a good time?

- Can you do the jitterbug?

- Well, I'll take a chance.

Spanish, Seor Martin.

You know, my grandfather

was a Spaniard.

So that's what you're up to, huh?

The old Badger game.

You'll not get away with it.

I'll have you arrested.

Oh, please don't do that, Mr. Martin.

I might as well tell you the truth.

That ticket you've got

won the sweepstakes...

...and they're offering

$25,000 for it.

- You mean this ticket won?

- It won.

You're right, Monty.

Honesty is the best policy.

Love can be a moment's madness

Love can be insane

Love can be a life

Of sadness and pain

Love can be a summer shower

Love can be the sun

Love can be two hearts

That flower as one

It can be fine and free

But it's true

It doesn't always happen to you

Love can be a dying amber

Love can be a flame

Love pledged in September

May be dead in December

You may not even remember

It came

Oh, love can be a joy forever

Or an empty name

Love is almost never ever the same

Oh, love can be a cup of sorrow

Love can be a lie

Love can make you wake tomorrow

And sigh

Love can be a snow-capped mountain

Love can be the truth

Love can be an endless

Fountain of youth

It can be ecstasy

But that kind

Is not so very easy to find

Oh, love can be a tinkling cymbal

Love can be a dirge

Love may seem amusing

A spark constantly fusing

But it may end up by losing

Its urge

Oh, love can be a sweet endeavor

Or a dirty shame

Love is almost never ever

The same

This is the Clumsy

Television Broadcasting System.

When you hear the musical note

will somebody tell me what time it is?

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

Lovely evening, isn't it?

Wheel your mother-in-law

close to the radio...

...because this is

the Guzzler's Gin Program.

You tried Guzzler's?

It comes in two sizes...

...the college size

and the jumbo elephant.

With Guzzler's

there's no bad taste, no after...

No bad taste, no aftereffect,

no upsetting the nerves.

Just a nice smooth drink.

Pour a little in your glass

and drink it right down.

But be sure and ask for Guzzler's Gin,

a nice smooth drink.

Guzz...

Guzzler's Gin, friends.

Drink a little after dinner.

Drink some before

and you won't have to eat any dinner.

I'll be back with more

from our sponsors.

In the meantime here is our guest star

of the evening, Mr...

Mr...

Subpoena.

J. Newton Numbskull:

Doctor of Poetry.

Thank you. Thank you.

My first poem.

"Greetings."

My first poem, "Algy."

Algy saw a bear

The bear saw Algy

The bear was bulgy

The bulge was Algy

And now back to our announcer

and more from our sponsors:

Guzzler's Gin.

Thank you, Newty, thank you.

This is the Guzzler's Gin Program

you're looking at.

Have you tried Guzzler's?

It comes in two sizes.

Get a college size.

One bottle

and you're in a class by yourself.

With Guzzler's there's no bad taste...

...no aftereffect,

no upsetting the nerves.

Just a nice smooth drink.

Pour a little in your glass...

There goes my nails.

Pour a little in your glass

and drink it right down.

But be sure and ask for Guzzler's Gin

a nice smooth drink.

Oh, why can't I get

an oatmeal program?

Guzzler's a nice smooth drink.

Guzzler's Gin, friends.

It comes in five...

Two sizes, two sizes.

Now back to our guest star

J. Newton Numbskull.

Thank you, thank you,

you drunken tramp, you.

My next poem.

"Put 15 cents on number four"...

My next poem, "The Garters."

I bought my girl some garters

At the local five and ten

She gave them to her mother

That's the last I'll see of them

And now back to our announcer who

will sign off the Guzzler's Gin Program.

Smooth.

Have you tried Guzzler's?

It comes in 29 sizes.

With Guzzler's

you don't need a chaser.

Nothing could catch you.

Save money.

Get the jumbo elephant size.

Only 25 cents a quart.

Return the bottle

and get your 15 cents back.

Smooth.

Thought it was my tongue

hanging out.

Pour a little in your glass...

Smooth.

Pour a little in your glass...

I'll get rid of it somehow.

Pour a little in your glass

and drink it right down.

Smooth.

In Limehouse

Where Orientals love to play

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