Zmd: Zombies Of Mass Destruction Page #3

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Mrs. Hunt, what are you doing?

Get off of him. What...

- Oh, my God. What the f*** is up her ass?

- I don't know. I'll get her meds.

Jesus, Mrs. Hunt. Her eyes!

Tom, get in here. Her eyes.

Mom, take these pills. Come on.

Mrs. Hunt, I'm not afraid to use this.

Mom, what are you doing?

Oh, God! Oh, God.

God!

That is how my dad reacted.

- Oh, God!

- Help!

Mommy ate Daddy.

I'm gonna take you home with me, okay?

My house is just across the street.

- What's your name, sweetie?

- Lisa.

Lisa, everything is going to be okay.

All right?

Nothing bad is going to happen to you.

I promise, okay?

Okay, let's go.

There's me on Santa's lap.

There's Dad in front of the old house.

Yeah? Dad? Remember? Carl?

Here.

No, no, okay.

No, she did not just eat her own eye.

Thomas, we are getting the f*** up

off this island.

Tom.

Get over here now.

News. News. Turn on the news.

- Nothing. Wait.

...no precedent in the history of our world.

Now tonight, in the normally quiet

island town of Port Gamble,

they are in the throes of a viral attack,

which purportedly turns its victims into,

well, what can be best described

as zombies.

Now these zombies have been described

as pale and slow moving,

with milky white eyes.

So, be on the lookout for these zombies.

They're all around you at this time...

Dad! Dad! Dad! Dad, let me in!

- Frida, hurry. Come over here. Hurry, hurry.

- Dad! Dad!

Hurry, hurry. Come over here. Come on.

Come on, get over here, hurry. Hurry, get in.

Frida.

God! No! No!

- Get away from the door, honey.

- Oh, God!

God damn you, zombie.

He bit me. Oh, my God.

Look at this, he bit me. Oh, God!

Zombie bastard!

God.

If you look at the evidence,

of which there's very little,

there is no conclusive proof that this was

a terrorist act...

Not conclusive? Son, you're about

a river short of a glass of water.

- The people...

- I, for one, believe

that our President has

spread our defense resources entirely...

Gentlemen, gentlemen, we'll not get

any words in here edgewise.

- One at a time, please. Let's not...

- That's ignorant.

People of Port Gamble, get your guns

and your bombs and start exercising

your God-given right to exercise

your God-given right.

Okay, I repeat, we need to get the f*** up

out of here.

I know, but what about Mom?

You can't encourage the citizens to go

around and blow up everything in sight...

- I hear a lot of noise in the background.

- Irresponsible...

Mom?

You are an absolute idiot.

Why did I agree to do this show?

We're not getting anywhere, here. I'm done.

Just shut that thing off.

Mom.

Shoot... Shoot her.

- Come on!

- I can't. Just run.

- Brian, did you board up the house?

- Everything but the back door.

- We'll leave the back door open for an exit.

- But what about Mom?

- I'll take care of you, Judy. Come on.

- Oddly enough, it doesn't hurt that bad.

Sort of numb and tingly.

Sweet Jesus, here we go. Crying Brian.

That's you in a pickle.

Look, we got plenty of water.

And we went to the superstore,

so we got Ramen and beans and sh*t.

I didn't have half of that growing up

and I turned out better for it.

Brian, you gotta learn self-reliance.

You think the government gives a sh*t

about you or me or your mother?

Look, I don't know about the next life,

but in this one,

a man has gotta learn

to take care of himself.

But... But what about Mom?

The United States is under attack.

Terrorists have managed to unleash

a virus.

The likes of which has

no precedent in the history of our world.

- Now tonight...

- Dad.

Brian, so help me God, I will plunder you

if you open your mouth again.

- But Mom!

- Your mom is made of tougher stuff

than you think.

It's just a bite from a zombie.

...as zombies.

What?

The White House has issued a statement

attributing the attack

to the infamous terrorist leader,

Mohammed Mustafa.

Citing the following videotape message,

which surfaced on Christmas Eve

of last year.

For years you Americans have terrorized

our people, insulted Allah and our culture.

You tried to destroy us...

Again with the Muslims.

Dad, she was bitten. Haven't you ever

seen a zombie movie before?

Brian, you know I'm a vampire man.

Now get your head in the game,

for Christ's sake.

Mr. Miller, I left my purse

in my dead boyfriend's car.

Could I just use your phone

to call my dad?

You tried to destroy us and yet we live.

You tried to devour us and yet

you will devour yourselves.

Dad she's going to turn into a zombie.

Dad, we have to tie her up

or she could attack us.

Tying her up ain't gonna do it.

This is the infamous terrorist leader,

Mohammed Mustafa,

- who swore...

- We gotta throw her out.

- She's threatening our family.

...who reportedly brought the zombies in...

What are you talking about?

Mom is our family.

I'm not talking about Mom.

...instructions on the things

that you'll need to do...

- Frida.

- Steps one, two and three

we will take you through. Stay with us.

- What?

- Jesus, Brian, look at the necklace.

Now look at the TV.

...places for you to call,

places for you to go.

- No, no, no, no.

- She's one of them.

- Mr. Miller, this is a pendant my mom...

- Brian, we gotta throw her out.

- Throw me out? Are you crazy?

- Some of us gotta give up certain rights

- to stay safe.

- No, Dad, no.

- Throwing her out there is murder.

- Mr. Miller, I was born and raised here.

Now, think about it? Princeton?

Who knows where she's really been.

And Ali, how is he able to make such

a success of the cafe when I couldn't,

and I busted my ass?

And speaking of the cafe, who are the only

people in town who refuse to eat there?

You, me, Mom,

and we're not infected. Coincidence?

- Mom is infected.

- I think not.

Oh, God! Oh, God!

- F***, yeah!

- Hey.

Hold on. Hold on.

Okay. I'm ready.

Dad, I'm telling you,

we should be tying up Mom.

Brian, okay? Okay, Brian?

Frida, I'm gonna ask you some questions.

- Jesus Christ, Dad, come on.

- Brian, so help me God.

God. No. Mr. Miller, this is f***ing crazy.

You've known me for years.

This pendant belonged to my mom.

Frida, I want you to relax.

We will bring you no harm.

- Okay.

- What's the color of the US passport?

- What the f*** does that have to do...

- Frida, I will throw you to the zombies!

- Okay, blue. Blue.

- Okay.

Okay. Okay. See? See? Okay.

I would have said dark blue!

- Dad.

- No. Okay, dark blue.

- Too late.

- Dark blue.

Listen up, why does the US flag have...

Thirteen stripes?

Because they represent

the original 13 colonies.

Correct.

But most American high school graduates

wouldn't know that.

- Dad!

- So...

What do you know about making bombs?

Yeah, nice shot.

There's one by the car. Gun!

Yeah!

Yeah, how do you like that?

Come on.

Oh, God. Hey, it's a rescue chopper.

We're saved.

It's not a rescue chopper.

That's the Channel 8 News.

Come on, can't you see us? Stop!

Come on!

Hey, come on, give us a ride, man!

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